My novel Blogs of Wrath chosen as Thirty Seconds To Mars’ Book of the Week!

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Thursday, January 28th, 2010 @ 5:14PM

This is too cool!

The novel that Zack Shutt and I wrote together was selected as Book of the Week by Thirty Seconds to Mars in their weekly transmission to the Mars Army!  Zack and I are thrilled to have this recommendation and are thankful to Jared, Shannon, and Tomo for this honor. This is futher proof that the guys in Thirty Seconds to Mars are genuine in their appreciation of their own success; for they truly remember what it was like when they were brand new and nobody had heard of them. And I think that is damn cool.  Click here to read the transmission from the band.

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Apple unveils new iDiot

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Wednesday, January 27th, 2010 @ 4:12PM

Slackjawed crowd is stunned by new gadget.

by Todd Nuke ‘Em
X96.com Electronics Editor

San Francisco, California (X96)—Steve Jobs unveiled the new Apple gadget today in front a stunned mouth-breathing crowd waiting to hand over their cash to whatever he had to offer. The much heralded Apple CEO and visionary arrived in a chariot swarmed by angles and pulled by a team of unicorns and levitated to the podium to announce the new iDiot.  “We are very proud of Apple purists,” said Jobs in a thunderous voice that caused the crowd to drop to their knees in pure adoration.  “And it is for you that I announce the new Apple iDiot.”  Speculators had anticipated the launch of a new electronic device from the pioneers of the iPhone and the iPod, and many had hoped that the device would bridge the gap between smart phone and computer.  With a snap of his fingers and a burst of smoke, a new Apple iDiot appeared in his hands.  “This little device is just what you’ve been waiting for.  And it’s only $499!”  What appeared to be a laptop computer missing a keyboard glistened in the heavenly beams of light cascading from above.  Somewhere a chime sounded just as the light blinked off the shiny plastic surface.  “The question isn’t what does this device do?” said Jobs. “The question is what doesn’t it do.”  Hordes of iNerds stamped the stage, cash in hand, waiting to get there hands on whatever the hell this new invention is.  “It can browse the web, just like your smart phone or laptop, and it can hold music just like your smart phone or laptop.  Only it isn’t a smart phone or a laptop.”

The stunned crowd gasped in amazement as he opened the browser.  “Look,” said Jobs, “I’m updating my Facebook status just like I can do on a smart phone or a computer.”

“Never underestimate the power of an iDiot,” said Jobs, explaining that there were many price levels for the new item, and that he was looking forward to receiving a lot of iDiot revenue.  “Just give me your money, you dumb-asses,” he added.

Reporters were given a few minutes alone with the new iDiot so they could form a comprehensive opinion of the new device. As of press time, I was still waiting for the editor of Cigar Afficianado to conclude an online game of World of Warcraft.

Computer giant and rival Dell countered the announcement by unveiling their new typewriter duct taped to a laptop with a Droid phone superglued to it.

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Big Ass Show 2010: USANA or somewhere else?

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Tuesday, January 26th, 2010 @ 6:40PM

You tell me.

We’re in the early phases of planning the 2010 Big Ass Show. Do you prefer USANA Amphitheater, or do you prefer more of a festival setting like we had at the fairgrounds? We won’t be able to use the fairgrounds, but we are looking at a similar location. Please provide your comments.

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I’m featured in Weber State University’s Signpost!

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Friday, January 22nd, 2010 @ 4:27PM

Weber State University, class of 1994.

Thanks to my friends at Weber State University for giving me a little bit of press surrounding my newest novel, BLOGS OF WRATH. You can get all the dirt in the tell-all interview that co-author Zack Shutt and I provided in our interview with the Signpost. If you’re near the campus, pick up a copy.  Or you can read it right here.

On another note, since it is Sundance time, I plan to hide out in my basement and play with my trains all weekend. I am afraid of celebrities.

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Conan O’Brien is out!

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Thursday, January 21st, 2010 @ 6:38PM

Reminds me of when X96 started.

Conan O’Brien will do his last Tonight Show on Friday, and then he is off to screw NBC over royally…which I hope does. The last time NBC made an embarrassing circus about the new host of The Tonight Show was many years ago. It was widely assumed that David Letterman would succeed the legendary Johnny Carson as the host.  Carson himself, in fact, wanted Dave to get the gig. When NBC went with the un-funny, unoriginal Jay Leno, Letterman took his act across the street to the CBS network to compete against NBC. It was at that same time that a little old radio station called KJQ decided to screw over a young DJ named Todd Nuke ‘Em. They also screwed over Gina Barberi, Bill Allred, Kerry Jackson, Mike Summers, Andrea, Dom Casual, Chet Tapp, Cousin Brad, and many others. We were convinced that the new owners of KJQ would ruin what we had poured so much energy into, so we split and started X96. KJQ was out of business within a year, and X96…well, that sumbitch is still going strong.

Fight for what you believe in! Conan deserved more than a few months. I hope he gets a gig at Fox!

Many of you have asked about my new novel Blogs of Wrath, written with brilliant young nerd Zack D. Shutt. We are pleased to announce that Amazon finally dropped the price to $12.44.

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