Boners

Boner Candidates February 11, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: THIS BILL WON’T PAY ITSELF

The family of Tamir Rice has been told to pay a past-due balance of $500 for life support and ambulance services the 12-year-old received after he was shot and killed by a police officer in 2014. His family said they were startled by the “insensitivity” of the claim, and a statement emailed to Mashable from the family’s attorney said it reflected “poor judgement” on behalf of the city whose officer killed Rice.”The Rice family is disturbed by the city’s behavior,” the statement reads. “The callousness, insensitivity, and poor judgment required for the city to send a bill after its own police officers killed 12-year-old Tamir is breathtaking. This adds insult to homicide.” Rice’s death launched protests and demonstrations after he was killed by a rookie police officer who’d heard on a broadcast that the boy had a gun. The officer, Timothy Loehmann, said he had yelled “show me your hands” to Rice, but surveillance video showed the officer firing shots within two seconds of leaving his vehicle. The gun Rice had been playing with was in fact a toy.

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Boner Candidate #2: SHE DESERVED HER WALK OF SHAME

The brutish boyfriend charged with forcing his girlfriend to parade naked down a ​frigid ​Harlem street as he recorded the humiliation ​– ​and later posted it online​ — was unrepentant in court Wednesday. After a Post reporter asked Jason Melo, 22, whether he regretted beating and demeaning the mother of his child, he replied, “She shouldn’t have done what she did.” Melo is accused of choking and punching the victim in front of their newborn daughter after he claimed he caught her sending naked pictures to other men. The evil boyfriend allegedly forced her to walk down the street with only a white towel wrapped around her in freezing temperatures January 17. On the video, he calls her a “w​horee” and “b​itch” then rips the towel off her, leaving her completely exposed except for a pair of boots.

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Boner Candidate #3: MY GUN IS A USEFUL TOOL

Reston Hospital Center is open and operating normally Wednesday, but police are investigating an overnight shooting incident. Police responded just after 1:30 a.m. after a 52-year-old Loudoun County man with an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the upper body couldn’t get into a hospital building entrance, and fired a shot to get in.“He gets out of his car in front of the hospital and attempts to gain entry to the hospital. He finds the doors locked, so he apparently fires a bullet, a round at the glass doors, breaks the doors, gains entry into the hospital,” says police spokesman Don Gotthardt.“Once inside, he encounters hospital personnel who immediately realize he’s in need of medical attention. When they go to render aid, he displays a handgun again and fires another bullet inside the hospital. Fortunately, that did not hit anyone.” Hospital personnel quickly convinced him to give up his handgun.

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