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Boner Candidates for March 25, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: THANKS OBAMA

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Image By DonkeyHotey

George Zimmerman, the man acquitted in the murder of Trayvon Martin, said President Barack Obama turned Americans against him. In an interview posted online Monday by his lawyer, Zimmerman argues Obama shouldn’t have weighed in on his case. He said “Barack Hussein Obama” was who he blamed for what his attorney called “the highest level of unfairness” in the aftermath of Martin’s death. “President Obama held his Rose Garden speech stating, ‘If I had a son he would look like Trayvon.’ To me that was clearly a dereliction of duty pitting Americans against each other solely based on race,” Zimmerman said. Zimmerman said he felt “prosecuted by the federal government” because of Obama’s remarks, and said he thinks someone like Obama should “not interject himself in a local law enforcement matter or a state matter.” “Instead of rushing to judgment, making racially charged comments and pitting American against American, I believe that he should have taken the higher road given his position and said — been an example, been a leader as the president should be, and say let’s not rush to judgment,” Zimmerman said. “As I’m sure he would want that same luxury afforded to him if he was accused of something, and asked for calm, ask for peace.”

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Boner Candidate #2: DON’T LOOK IN THE CABINET CAUSE I’M IN THE CABINET

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Image By Chris Pirillo

A Maine man who’d been wanted by police for several weeks made a couple of critical mistakes that led to his capture — he sent out social media messages pinpointing his location. The Somerset County Sheriff’s Office had been looking for Christopher Wallace, of Fairfield, in connection with a burglary in January. Police tell the Morning Sentinel that on Sunday night they received tips from people who said Wallace had posted on Snapchat that he had returned to his Fairfield home. So, police went to the house. While they were searching with permission of the resident, they were tipped off that Wallace had posted a new Snapchat message saying police were in the house looking for him and he was hiding in a cabinet. He was found in the cabinet.

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Boner Candidate #3: A PERFECT PRAYER BREAKFAST

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Image By Mike Mozart

On Friday, “Trunews” host Rick Wiles aired a speech that Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty delivered at the Vero Beach Prayer Breakfast earlier that day, in which Robertson offered gruesome details about how an atheist father would react to watching intruders behead his wife and rape and kill his two daughters while they also cut off his penis …. which would supposedly somehow prove a point about following God’s laws. “I’ll make a bet with you,” Robertson said. “Two guys break into an atheist’s home. He has a little atheist wife and two little atheist daughters. Two guys break into his home and tie him up in a chair and gag him. And then they take his two daughters in front of him and rape both of them and then shoot them and they take his wife and then decapitate her head off in front of him. And then they can look at him and say, ‘Isn’t it great that I don’t have to worry about being judged? Isn’t it great that there’s nothing wrong with this? There’s no right or wrong, now is it dude?’”

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Feature Image By Maurizio Pesce

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