Boners

Boner Candidates November 2nd, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: TRICK OR TREAT?

WDAM reports on a Hattiesburg, Mississippi Halloween parade that got legit scary for some local parents when one of the floats passed out penis-shaped sweet treats. Kids were apparently handed package after package of gummy candies shaped like male genitalia, and parents were not pleased. When WDAM spoke with Keisha Smith and her sister Christal Tonumaipea, the two were in total shock when their twelve year old nephew picked up a penis-shaped sweet treat. “He looks at it before he opens it and throws it to the ground,” Smith said. “I pick it up and I wonder what’s wrong with the candy. Is it open? I pick it up and look at it, and it’s penis candy.” “What the heck, why are they throwing this out at a family friendly parade,” Tonumaipea said.

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A worker at a Canadian pharmacy accidentally gave out out bipolar medication to trick-or-treaters instead of candy, according to a report.The mix-up unfolded after a woman unknowingly dropped her 17-year-old son’s prescription drugs while on her way out of a Beauport pharmacy. Another customer picked up the medication — Quetiapine and Divalproex sodium, both of which are used to treat schizophrenia as well as other psychological disorders — and placed it dangerously close to the candy basket on the counter.

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Boner Candidate #2: HERE KITTY KITTY

A woman snuck into a Nebraska zoo and attempted to pet a tiger, who then bit her hand, the Omaha Police Department said on Sunday. Officers were called to a hospital around 7:20 a.m. after a woman with an injury to her hand was causing a disturbance, police said. They found that the woman, identified as 33-year-old Jacqueline Eide, had a bite on her left hand. Eide was being aggressive toward hospital staff and appeared to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, police said. After investigation, officers found that Eide had gone to Omaha’s Henry Dooly Zoo to pet a tiger. When she reached into the cage, police said the tiger bit her, “causing severe trauma to her hand.” A friend took her to a hospital, where she remained Sunday afternoon for treatment. She was cited for trespassing, police said.

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Boner Candidate #3: I NEED A STUD FOR MY DAUGHTER 

The University of Notre Dame has fired a female academic coach, the New York Daily News reports, after a student filed a lawsuit against the school on Friday claiming that the tutor had coerced several university football and basketball players into having “racially-motivated” sex with her daughter. An African American student enrolled at Notre Dame on an academic scholarship in the fall of 2014. He sought tutoring lessons in the spring. The (white) tutor immediately “initiated, directed and coordinated a sexually and racially motivated inappropriate and demeaning relationship,” between the student and her daughter.The tutor would orchestrate “sexually and racially motivated” trysts at hotel rooms between the student and her daughter, the Daily News reports, and afterwards ask him about the “nature, frequency, and quality of the sexual activities.” Also, the lawsuit claims, the tutor would make “racially-charged comments about his sexual prowess and genitalia.”

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