Boner Preview Candidate #1: YEAH SHE FELL INTO A CHOKE HOLD IN THE TUB. THAT’S IT.
On Wednesday afternoon, Deadspin published the transcript of a confidential hearing that took place last March between the NFL, NFL Players Association, Greg Hardy and his legal team — the hearing that led to the accused domestic abuser’s reinstatement to the league and the lucrative contract he signed just 14 days later. In this transcript, Hardy — who is said to have choked ex-girlfriend Nicole Holder, tossed her onto a pile of assault weapons and slammed her into a bathroom wall on May 12, 2014 — provided his version of what happened that night, with the help and spin of his attorney, Frank Maister.
Boner Preview Candidate #2: I WANTED TO BE THE PRETTY JIHADIST
A vain would-be jihadist had a bad hair day when Turkish cops nabbed him in a beauty salon. The balding Frenchman, Mehdibend Said, was arrested Wednesday after stepping into the parlor to get a hair transplant, The Dogan news agency reported.
Boner Preview Candidate #3: THERE WAS NO WHERE ELSE TO GO, RIGHT?
A Scottish chief councillor who voted earlier this year to shut down all public toilets in his district of South Lanarkshire was fined by police Saturday morning for hmm guess whatpissing in the street. It’s a shame there were no public restrooms around for him to use. Councillor Jackie Burns jumped out of a taxi line to answer the call of nature, but immediate thereafter, he had to answer the call of a police offer, who was probably all “sorry mate, yae should hae made it tae the pisher in time.”
Boner Preview Candidate #4: YOU’D BETTER GO HOME NOW
Ateacher in Florida, was banned from the classroom after she showed students a nude reality television show. An official of the Collier County Public Schools, said that the teacher has been banned from school after showing the nude reality television show to 7-year-old children. Hours after the substitute teacher, who was not identified, showed Naked and Afraid during a computer class, she was told to go home.
Boner Preview Candidate #5: HOW ABOUT FEEDING, CLOTHING, AND PUTTING MY KID THROUGH COLLEGE? THAT WOULD BE A FAIR SETTLEMENT.
More than 100 women who blame their pregnancies on errant birth control packaging have joined a negligence lawsuit filed in Philadelphia against several drug companies. The lawsuit follows a 2011 recall of more than 500,000 blister packs after an Iowa customer found the pills packaged out of order, potentially increasing the chance of getting pregnant. All but four of the 117 women involved in the lawsuit became pregnant and 94 went on to give birth. They are now suing Endo Pharmaceuticals Inc. and other companies that made or distributed the pills under various brand names. The women are seeking damages for lost income, medical costs and, in some cases, the cost of raising their children. A spokeswoman at Endo’s U.S. headquarters in Malvern did not immediately return a message Thursday seeking comment.
Boner Preview Candidate #6: A CRAPPY VIEW OF THINGS
This guy’s a real sewer rat! A pervy Japanese man wedged himself into a tiny sewer space so he could take pictures up skirts of passing women, authorities said. A passerby finally caught on to accused deviant Yasuomi Hari, 28, by spotting his hair coming out of the grate, according to cops.
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