Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for November 9th, 2016

BONER CANDIDATE #1: COME ON MAN GIVE A GUY A CHANCE AT LEAST.

Dramatic video from the UK captures a one-armed man hopping on one leg and swinging his prosthetic leg at his opponent, who snatches the limb and uses it to club his disabled foe. “I ain’t even got a f—ing leg on you, p–y!” the man shouts after his leg dropped out of his sweatpants. “I ain’t got my leg on! Let me stand up on two legs!” But he loses control over his leg, which is snatched up by his opponent, who swings it like a baseball bat.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: YOU SMELL SOMETHING? NO. IT’S YOUR IMAGINATION….GO TO SLEEP.

Hotel guests were oblivious for days that there was a corpse wrapped up in plastic underneath their bed. Police in Mexico City believe the woman’s body had been there for at least a week when it was discovered at Hotel El Senador. The foul smell eventually led staff to look under the bed and make the gruesome discovery.

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BONER CANDIDATE #6: BONER OF THE DAY WINNERS…THESE AND OTHER WOULD BE ASSASSINS.

“Someone really ought to assassinate [candidate]”

“Can somebody take one for the team and assassinate [candidate]?”

“If they get elected, [candidate] is going to get assassinated”

Tweets like these, and unimaginative variations thereof, exist for both Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton and her opponent Republican Donald Trump. And they’ve only gotten more frequent in the past 24 hours, as this election cycle comes to a gasping, sputtering close. The difference between someone ought to and I will in these instances, as a representative from the US Secret Service pointed out in a phone call with Gizmodo, is that while the former would be considered “an incident,” the latter is a federal crime. Full stop. As Mashable reported back in March, tweets of this nature have gotten users a visit from the agency in the past.

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