Boner Candidate #1: WE TOLD THE KIDS TO COVER THEIR EYES
An inmate on a work-release program was taken back to a Pennsylvania prison after he was caught having sex with a woman inside a car with two children in the back seat, state police said. Torrey Lee Rudisill, 28, of Gettysburg, and Taylor Leigh Skursky, 26, of Sykesville, Md., were spotted by a passerby having sex inside a black Honda Accord at about 12:30 p.m. Sunday near a movie theater in the parking lot of The Outlet Shoppes at Gettysburg. Both Rudisill and Skursky were charged with disorderly conduct and Rudisill — who was supposed to be on a work-release program at the time — was taken back to Adams County Prison, according to a Pennsylvania State Police report. Rudisill was serving time for a resisting arrest conviction, officials said.
Boner Candidate #2: BEHOLD THE POWER OF THE HOLY SHOE
A pastor has claimed he has cured a woman’s ‘vaginal warts’ – healing her using just his shoe. Pastor Zendile Andries November of Victorious Faith Ministries in Bloemfontein, South Africa, spoke to the woman who is in his congregation. He spoke into a microphone and asked the woman, who has not been named, whether she had ‘pimples on her vagina’. She replied ‘yes, pastor’ and he quickly informed the congregation what he planned to do in order to help her.
Boner Candidate #3: PAYBACK FOR FEAR OF COMMITMENT
A man was stabbed several times by a woman he met on the Internet after he told her he wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship after just a couple of dates. Police in Roseville, Michigan said the 39-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were in bed together Sunday evening when the woman asked the man to commit to a serious relationship. The man said he wasn’t willing to do such after just a couple of dates. Police said he rolled over in bed and she suddenly started stabbing him.
Boner Candidate #4: I’M TEACHING YOU A LESSON THAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO LEARN
A cop in Georgia is off the force and facing charges after allegedly hacking into another officer’s Snapchat and Instagram accounts to post nude pictures of the victim, police said. DeKalb County Police Officer Audrey Francisquini, 24, was arrested after a 29-year-old Atlanta police officer told authorities that she began receiving phone calls and texts from friends alerting her to naked pictures of herself that were posted to her social media accounts and was unable to change them, according to an incident report obtained by The Post. Francisquini and the Atlanta officer are “acquaintances,” according to the report, which indicated that the victim started getting text messages from Francisquini on Dec. 30 that read: “you ain’t s—“ and “you’re going to learn.”
Boner Candidate #5: LOOK INTO THE EYES OF HYPNO LAWYER.
An Ohio divorce attorney who used in-office meetings to put female clients into a trance so he could sexually assault them without them remembering is headed to prison after one of his victims recorded the session. The Washington Post reports that Michael Fine, who pleaded guilty in September to assaulting at least six clients in a plea agreement that saw other charges against him dropped, was sentenced Monday to 12 years in prison. He has also been disbarred and will have to register as a tier-two sex offender. Fine, who is married with two daughters, hypnotized his divorce clients during meetings in his office, where he sexually assaulted them before instructing them to forget the encounters.
Boner Candidate #6: STUPID MAN BUN
While we can’t think of many positives when it comes to the man bun, the cut that caused a fashion furor back in 2014 has come into some use recently after a car vandal was caught thanks to his distinctive (read: terrible) hairstyle. As reported by the AP, CCTV footage captured images of a man with a man bun vandalizing cars in the south side of Pittsburgh, with the culprit eventually being reprimanded thanks to an eagle-eyed resident who recognized the top-knotted terror as a neighbor, 22-year-old Isaac Gettleman, who now faces 36 counts of criminal mischief.
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