Boner Candidate #1: SORRY ABOUT THE SKY JUNK
If you have been wandering around Washington state’s Okanogan County lately and thinking, wait, do I see a giant dick drawn in the sky? your eyes have not deceived you. And the United States Navy, specifically the naval air station at Whidbey Island, is very sorry about that. “Photos sent to KREM 2 by multiple sources show skydrawings of what some people are saying is male genitalia,” the station’s write-up read. What some people are saying. Anyway, the Navy released a brief statement to KREM 2 saying that they’re getting to the bottom of this: “The Navy holds its aircrew to the highest standards and we find this absolutely unacceptable, of zero training value and we are holding the crew accountable.” Meanwhile, the Federal Aviation Administration confirmed that they cannot do anything about phallic sky drawings unless there is some sort of proven safety risk. Which there is not.
Boner Candidate #2: I MIGHT HAVE SAID I WAS A FEDERAL AGENT.
A Salt Lake man was recently charged with impersonating a police officer in Clinton. But whether the man had intentions of kidnapping a juvenile girl, as police and court documents indicate, was still unknown Friday. William Joseph Nunn, 30, was charged in Clinton Justice Court on Oct. 30 with impersonating an officer, a class B misdemeanor. He pleaded not guilty to the charge on Nov. 9. His next court hearing is scheduled for Dec. 19. According to a Davis County Jail report and two search warrant affidavits filed in 3rd District Court, Nunn went to a home in Clinton on Oct. 18 claiming to be a federal agent “in an attempt to take” a girl. “William stated that he was a federal agent with the bureau and would be filling out paperwork to get custody of (the girl),” the report states. “The father of the juvenile observed (a) pistol on William Nunn’s hip,” police wrote in the warrants.
Boner Candidate #3: IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.
Two nurses lost their licenses after a television station persuaded courts to unseal a video secretly recorded by the family of a man who died in their care. The video shows the World War II veteran repeatedly calling for help, saying he can’t breathe. It also shows the nurses failing to take life-saving measures and laughing as they try to start an oxygen machine. The family of 89-year-old James Dempsey of Woodstock, Georgia, sued the Northeast Atlanta Health and Rehabilitation Center in 2014. Dempsey’s family declined to comment, citing a settlement with the nursing home, the station said. A statement from the center says care has improved since then, under different leadership.
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