Boners

Boner (Round Two) for June 23rd, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: TEAM JOHNNY TAKES A HIT

Johnny Depp certainly didn’t disguise his feelings for the Donald Trump Thursday evening during an appearance at Glastonbury 2017. While on stage in front of a sold-out crowd, the Pirates of the Caribbean actor asked, “Can we bring Trump here? I think he needs help.” Depp, who was at the music festival to present his 2004 film The Libertine, continued, “It is just a question—I’m not insinuating anything. By the way, this is going to be in the press. It will be horrible. I like that you’re all part of it. But when was the last time an actor assassinated a president?” The actor received mixed reviews from concertgoers and proceeded to explain his comments about the 45th President of the United States.

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Boner Candidate #2: BIKINI PAGEANT GOES VIOLENT

High heels helped bring a new low to bikini pageants. A bikini competition contestant faces a battery charge after the Florida pageant got so heated that she reportedly clobbered another competitor with a high-heeled shoe. The Martin County Sheriff’s Office released a report Monday that said the feuding began at the Miss Sailfish Regatta Bikini Contest in Stuart, Florida, after the contestants got off the stage. According to TCPalm, the fight involved Erica Mize, 24, and her ex-boyfriend’s new flame, who had both entered the May 21 competition. Mize reportedly told the 23-year-old woman at the pageant that “you should go to the gyno because you’re in for a rude awakening.”

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Boner Candidate #3: HEY, HEY, HEY…THE COS ON TOUR.

Bill Cosby is headed back out on tour — but instead of comedy, he’ll be focusing on another one of his other legendary talents: dodging sex-assault claims. The fallen funnyman — who narrowly avoided conviction in a Pennsylvania sex case last week with a mistrial — plans to celebrate his legal good fortune by touring the nation giving lectures to young people and “married men” about the dangers of sex-crime allegations, his spokesman said. “Mr. Cosby wants to get back to work,” Cosby rep Andrew Wyatt said Thursday on the Birmingham, Ala., morning show “Good Day Alabama.” “We’re now planning town halls, and we’re going to be coming to this city [Birmingham] sometime in July . . . to talk to young people because this is bigger than Bill Cosby.” Wyatt said that the comedian, once known as “America’s Dad,” will issue a dire warning to his audience about getting snared by sex-crime claims.

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