Boners

Boner Candidate Preview August 9, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: OH THAT? WE THREW THAT AWAY.

A northeast Ohio hospital has settled a lawsuit over alleged negligence that indicated the remains of an infant that died before birth were disposed of without the mother’s consent. Court filings by attorneys for the Youngstown woman, Lytanya Wylie, and St. Elizabeth Health Center indicated the infant’s remains probably were discarded with medical waste, not saved for the burial the family planned. The lawsuit said Wylie was pregnant with twins, and one survived but the other died before her June 2013 delivery.

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Boner Candidate #2: I HAD TO DO SOMETHING; THEY WERE EVERYWHERE

A Centralia, Washington, man was arrested Monday morning after he nearly started a fire while trying to get rid of some cockroaches using a homemade flamethrower, police said. The man, who was not immediately identified, reportedly got so fed up with roaches in his apartment that he used a can of bug spray, in concert with a lighter, to create an impromptu flamethrower in an effort to try and drive the pestilent insects from his residence. When he began to notice smoke, he apparently realized the folly of his ways and fled the apartment, alerting some neighbors that something might be on fire, Officer John Panco, a Centralia police spokesman, told The Oregonian/OregonLive.

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Boner Candidate #3: YURTLE THE TURTLE IS MY SERVICE ANIMAL

A PASSENGER has attempted to smuggle his pet turtle onto a flight by disguising it as a KFC burger. The man, who has been identified only by his surname Li, was passing through security at China’s Guangzhou Baiyun International Airport ahead of a China southern Airlines flight to Beijing when something strange was detected in his carry-on luggage. Li had packed a KFC burger in his bag, but the X-ray machine picked up on some “odd protrusions” sticking out of the wrapper, China’s Guangzhou Daily newspaper reported.

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Boner Candidate #4: HUG INDIANS

A Bangladeshi-American man called on prosecutors Monday to bring hate crime charges against a man he says viciously attacked him while screaming, “Fuck Indians!” Gazi Rahman, 46, said he was talking on the phone outside a grocery store on Hillside Avenue near Parsons Boulevard in Jamaica, Queens, on May 7 when Christopher Porr, 39, who he did not know, asked for money. “I said, ‘I’m sorry I don’t have any money,’ and then he punched me and said, ‘Fuck Indians,’” Rahman recalled at a news conference outside Queens Criminal Court. Rahman, a U.S. citizen, said he was treated at a hospital for a concussion, a broken nose, and lacerations to his face. A photo shows he lost a significant amount of blood.

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Boner Candidate #5: PRETTY CREEPY

After nude photos of Justin Bieber were published online last week, the singer’s dad took it upon himself to joke about his son’s manhood. Again. The Biebs was photographed skinny dipping with a group of girls while on vacation in Hawaii, and the New York Daily News published the full-frontal pics. (The news site is also responsible for publishing the first round of Bieber nude pics in 2015 and those Orlando Bloom shots from last week, which caused an internet frenzy.) When Biebs’ dad Jeremy caught a glimpse of the latest pics, he proceeded to make some cringeworthy comments online.

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Boner Candidate #6: THE NEW MODEL FOR MAYOR

Scott Silverthorne built a reputation as a civic pillar of Fairfax City, Va., over three decades, helping bring a park to the affluent suburb’s downtown and championing other improvements during his stints as a City Council member and mayor. But even as he was the public face of the city, police said, Silverthorne was privately leading another life online: using a website to swap methamphetamine for sex with other men. That other side of Silverthorne, 50, burst into public view Friday, as Fairfax County police announced that he had been charged following a sting in which they said he agreed to give an undercover officer the drug in exchange for an orgy at a Tysons hotel.

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