Boners

Boner Candidates July 27, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS FOR MY ART

A man who claims to be a Fort Wayne-based rapper apparently shot himself in the face last week for a music video. In a post to his Facebook page, the man, who performs under the name Kasper Knight, can be seen placing a revolver to his cheek and then pulling the trigger – firing a bullet through his mouth. He then claims to have swallowed the bullet. In the post, Knight claims to have been shot “a couple times before” and called it a “4 out of 10 on the pain scale.”

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Boner Candidate #2: THOSE SLAVES HAD IT PRETTY GOOD

On Tuesday, conservative commentators sprang into actually to “fact check” Michelle Obama’s remark about the White House being built with slave labor, successfully missing the point of her story to note that, hey,lots of non-slaves worked on it too. Bill O’Reilly went one further, however, weirdly stating that the slaves that did work on the White House were “well-fed” with “decent lodgings.” “Slaves that worked there were well-fed and had decent lodgings provided by the government, which stopped hiring slave labor in 1802,” said O’Reilly on his show Tuesday evening, according to Media Matters.

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Boner Candidate #3: THOSE ARE MY HUGGIN PIZZA ROLLS

A Norwalk man is accused of brandishing a sword at his ex-roommate when he was retrieving some food. Travis C. Vartorella, 20, of 133 N. West St., Apt. A-2, was charged with aggravated menacing. If convicted of the first-degree misdemeanor, he faces up to six months in the Huron County Jail. “The victim was a former roommate. He had moved out,” Norwalk Law Director Stuart O’Hara said. The man returned to the North West Street apartment to retrieve his belongings Sunday. O’Hara said the victim was putting some items, which included pizza rolls, into a box when Vartorella reportedly brandished a sword.

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