Y’all got fake poo?

Thursday, March 27th, 2008 @ 12:27PM

...actually, fake vomit.

Todd and I were talking today about all the stuff we sent away for as kids, and were quite dissapointed with.  Everybodys familliar with the X-Ray specs ad right? Just 1.99 and we’ll send you glasses that allow you to see through clothes!  The bones in your hand!  Well, they never worked of course.  As little kids, we were still naive enough to believe that for only 99 cents we would get a U-Control six foot tall ghost that actually flew, NOT a balloon, a white garbage bag and fishing line.  I sent for most of this stuff, and I kept sending for it in hopes that ONE was going to do what it promised!  The goal?  Fool my friends and be the life of the party, of course!  Like they promised!  The 100 soldiers were flat paper, not the green army men I loved.  The Seamonkeys never learned the tricks I was told they would do.  And the joke onion gum was never that nasty tasting.  One thing actually worked like a charm.  For one dollar you could get fake poo.  Not doggie, but people.  The ad promised.."Oops!  Someone missed! Looks like the real thing!”.  It was slighty angled and had tape on the bottom.  The idea was to place it on the curve of the toilet seat...and wait for the cry of disgust.  Worked EVERY time.  Best dollar I have ever spent.  Alot of this stuff is still available, gotta love the internet.  But, a bit of advice.  Dont buy the fake vomit.  It Never works.  Allow me to share with you a recipe for fake vomit that always works.  Youll need a can of vegetable soup, a small amount of milk and a strainer.  Strain some of the broth from the vegetable soup and discard.  place the veggies in a bowl and smoosh them up a bit.  Then add a small amount of milk.  You can experiment with the thickness, I feel for best effect make it slightly runny.  Then place the mixture into a glass or something portable.  Then comes the acting.  Make the barfing sound, Bend over forward arch your back a little, y’know convulse a bit) and spill the contents. Looks real and It makes a wonderful splaaat.  On second thought, never do this.  I renounce all responsibility if you make the choice.  You wont be the life of the party.  You’ll lose all your friends and you’ll be disowned by all who love you.  You might even lose your job. Trust me on this! Your bosses daughters wedding is the worst place to do this, escpecially.  Nuff Said! 

Email Blast. WOAH! STOP!

Thursday, March 20th, 2008 @ 11:27AM

Seriously, my inbox is fulllll!!! ouch.

Currently, I have recieved over 500 emails asking whether people actually read the X96 email blast, or just delete it.  Lemme tell ya a couple of things, and then I’ll tell you what I learned from y’all.  First:  This was not a plea for persoanl attention! (I get that in therapy) When our promotions director asked me at the last minute to write a little ‘message’ to everyone...i was miffed.  I’ve been really busy lately trying to get The Geek Show podcast up and going (more on this soon), so when she asked I just thought ‘What a waste of time!  No one reads the damn thing anyway!’.  So, thats what I wrote about. I certainly dont read advertising email from companys, and I am just like you guys...well...MOST of you...so i assumed you just sent us to the spam file.  Well, now that I know you read it, I shall give it respect and loving care.  Second: The comment I got the most was ‘I didnt know whe should/could respond.’ Well, I didnt mean you HAVE to email back, I was just curious IF they were being read AT ALL because....well...see above. 
I will not be able to respond to all of you. Sorry.  Dont take that persoanlly, I am just a lazy man. Heres what I have learned.  Most of you just scan the headlines for concert info.  As I suspected, they are not read in their entirety...and why would you?  Some have favorite subjects and shows, and thats what you scan for.  Alot of you say that the email blast looks jumbled and is hard to read.  I agree.  Some want more graphics, I’ll pass it along.  The strange stuff I learned?  Alot of you hate horror movies.  (?!) And alot of you felt it important I know that you dont drink. (?!) Okay!  Sorry!  Those who did not feel like scolding me for that, really want my drink recipes.  I will blog some in the future so that I dont taint the non drinkers mail box.
Thank you all for the rapid response!  Most of all, thanks for letting me know its not in vain.  AND, thanks for letting ME listen.
More Toy Room on the way, and coming soon...drinky! 

Kerry’s top 10 movies

Thursday, March 13th, 2008 @ 3:26PM

I can pick only 10?

Because SOMEBODY asked...my top 10 movies.
I based my choice on what Jeff Vice said...movies I could watch over and over.

10: SPIDER-MAN 2.  All my life I imagined how cool it would be to see Spidey in all out action.  As I read the comic books, I thought how cool it would be.  I got that wit Spidey 2.  Spidey 1 was fine...but the Green Goblin looked like a Power Ranger.  Lost it for me.
9: RAISING ARIZONA.  Bill and I agree on this one.  Damn funny, and dialogue you keep repeating.
8: PINNOCHIO.  I tear up everytime I hear Jimminy sing . ‘when you wish upon a star’.  It also taught me that if you smoke...you’ll turn into a donkey. 
7: RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK.  I have to say the whole Indiana Jones trilogy, really.  I always thought Indy was the coolest NOT because of the adventure....but because he was smart.  He knew his lore.  If only he spoke Hovitos…
6: SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.  Hannibal Lector. What more do I need to say.  Also, more quotable dialogue.  This film actually made me want to try liver with farver beans and a nice Chianti.  (Slurp noise)
5: PULP FICTION: A great story. Great characters. Great violence, and a briefcase full of soul.
4: THE GODFATHER 1 & 2.  They are one movie to me.  SO much to be learned about lifes lessons in these films.  The most important lesson?  Never go against the family, Fredo.
3: JAWS: This movie gave me my first real scare, and my first long term nightmares...and I lived in Utah County...hundreds of miles from the ocean.  Quint’s USS Minneapolis speech alone is worth the price of admission. 
2: STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: I have never felt a shiver like the feeling I had watching that Imperial Star Destroyer...the biggest thing I’d ever seen...pass over the top of the screen.  Rumbling so loud, it was going to smash the entire theatre.  This movie really changed my life, seriously.  I can quote the entire film from memory, I’ve seen it over 100 times.  Empire and Jedi should be included here.
1: CITIZEN KANE: I know, I know.  But there is a REASON this movie is on most peoples top 10 lists!  If you think about the time it was made, and the skill involved.  The story, the acting, every meticulous shot!  Amazing!  Another great speech...the ‘girl on the ferry’ speech.  Amazing.

I left out Apocalypse Now, the original Planet of The Apes, Beetlejuice, Alien, Free Enterprise, Animal House and MANY others...because...well..it’s a top 10 list. 

Toy Room pt. 5

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008 @ 1:15PM

Armed and Dangerous.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.”
Han Solo said that.  In 1977 we all SAID we wanted to be Han Solo.  In our hearts we really related to wanted to be Luke Skywalker, but...thats another blog for another time.  In 1978 we came a step closer to being our favorite scoundrel/smuggler.  This is a first edition, not mint because I played with it alot.  Mom, my beloved pack rat, kept the box intact.  Its missing one of the 2 knobs that close the battery compartment, and the sound does not work anymore.  What made this a great toy was it was one of the first movie accurate role playing toys we got at the time.  I mean, THAT IS Hans pistol!  Not some mock up, wrong color or size...this is Thee One!  Just like the one he used to blast his way out of Docking Bay 94 at Mos Eisley Spaceport.  To a ‘not right’ kid who fantasized about being somewhere...anywhere else...this toy was the best thing in the world.  Placing it in your pocket..sitting at the dinner table...one hand on the grip...just waiting for Greedo...excuse me...your sister to say the wrong thing.  Of course Han shot first. (Mr. Rogers said that toys like this were popular for little boys, because it made us feel big on the inside.  He must have been talking to my therapist, or a member of the NRA.) This toy, as it is, would never be sold today.  It would have to be multicolored in some way, like the muzzle being hunter orange or something.  Safety standards and such. FEH!  Then I’d have to paint it black!  Man, I wish this sucker still made its ‘laser’ sound.  Gotta go blast mynocks off the hull of the Falcon!  I’m sure it will go smoothly! Be right back! 

Toy Room pt 4

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008 @ 3:24PM

Best toy for boys, ever?

Damn! Ya gotta love Green Army Men.  How cool are they!?  How many have I bought in my life time?  I couldn’t tell ya. If I was forced to do the math, I could only estimate.  If you buy them in individual packs you get maybe a dozen.  Large pack, 20 and a jeep.  So....hrmm....(pencil scratch sounds) ...carry the 2..hrmmm...over 1000.  Countless Green Army Men were lost to the sands of time.  Sand box of time, I should say.  I melted several, firecrackered some and shot several into space.  (bottle rockets rule) And you still come back to them.  Unchanged all these years.  My fondest memories of G.A.M come from summer vacations as a little kid.  We would go to Fremont River in Wayne County.  Utah, for you folks on the www.  We had lots of family down there and spent summers fishing and visiting Aunt Hazel and Uncle Pratt.  When we needed supplies we would drive into Loa to a small Mercantile.  Mom would allow me and my sister to get one toy from the Dollar toy rack.  A one dollar pack of Green Army Men always satisfied.  If your ever camping along the banks of that river and find one buried in the dirt, please return it to me care of this station.