Y’all got fake poo?

Thursday, March 27th, 2008 @ 12:27PM

...actually, fake vomit.

Todd and I were talking today about all the stuff we sent away for as kids, and were quite dissapointed with.  Everybodys familliar with the X-Ray specs ad right? Just 1.99 and we’ll send you glasses that allow you to see through clothes!  The bones in your hand!  Well, they never worked of course.  As little kids, we were still naive enough to believe that for only 99 cents we would get a U-Control six foot tall ghost that actually flew, NOT a balloon, a white garbage bag and fishing line.  I sent for most of this stuff, and I kept sending for it in hopes that ONE was going to do what it promised!  The goal?  Fool my friends and be the life of the party, of course!  Like they promised!  The 100 soldiers were flat paper, not the green army men I loved.  The Seamonkeys never learned the tricks I was told they would do.  And the joke onion gum was never that nasty tasting.  One thing actually worked like a charm.  For one dollar you could get fake poo.  Not doggie, but people.  The ad promised.."Oops!  Someone missed! Looks like the real thing!”.  It was slighty angled and had tape on the bottom.  The idea was to place it on the curve of the toilet seat...and wait for the cry of disgust.  Worked EVERY time.  Best dollar I have ever spent.  Alot of this stuff is still available, gotta love the internet.  But, a bit of advice.  Dont buy the fake vomit.  It Never works.  Allow me to share with you a recipe for fake vomit that always works.  Youll need a can of vegetable soup, a small amount of milk and a strainer.  Strain some of the broth from the vegetable soup and discard.  place the veggies in a bowl and smoosh them up a bit.  Then add a small amount of milk.  You can experiment with the thickness, I feel for best effect make it slightly runny.  Then place the mixture into a glass or something portable.  Then comes the acting.  Make the barfing sound, Bend over forward arch your back a little, y’know convulse a bit) and spill the contents. Looks real and It makes a wonderful splaaat.  On second thought, never do this.  I renounce all responsibility if you make the choice.  You wont be the life of the party.  You’ll lose all your friends and you’ll be disowned by all who love you.  You might even lose your job. Trust me on this! Your bosses daughters wedding is the worst place to do this, escpecially.  Nuff Said!