What type of single LDS girls am I missing?

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Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 @ 7:07AM

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3 Types of LDS Singles Women

“The Flight Attendant”-Clear this girl for landing and make way for all her baggage. She carries the weight of past relationships on her shoulders, on her face, and on the tip of her tongue jumping at an open ear who will receive her woeful cries. Sitting next to this girl in Sacrament meeting you will find out more about what has gone on in her life in the last 6 months than you would from living with your roommates for the last six years. You cannot do or say anything to this girl without evoking a “Whats that supposed to mean?” or “He used to always tell me.” When you date the flight attendant you not only have to work really hard on your own imperfections but you have to constantly apologize for those who have gone before you and marked the path.

“The Dew-Gooder”- Part of your heart really goes out for this girl in the singles ward. There is an old adage that says “You should always marry above you” that why you are constantly working hard every day just to keep up with the one that you love. That works for everyone except for “The Dew-Gooder.” Paying homage to former Relief Society presidency member Sheri Dew(Wiki), the “Dew-Gooder” is too good for anyone in the ward to date. She has educated herself, managed her home, learned the gospel, kept her physical, mental, financial, and spiritual goals in check, and by so doing intimidated any would be suitor. She wants more than anything to have someone who will love her and meet her where she stands in life but the man that would be her equal is few and far between.

“The Senior Companion”-Regardless of how long this Sister has been home for the mission, if you ever date her you know who will be in charge. You can recognize her by her mission issue shoes and plain conservative dress (Sister Dress Requirements). Her hair will be moderate length and style. Her testimonies always begin with “I have had some challenging experiences in the last (however long it was since she last bore her testimony) and I just have to say how grateful that I am for the challenges that the Lord has blessed me with.

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If you go to an LDS singles ward read this blog and let me know if I am missing anything

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Monday, April 27th, 2009 @ 9:41PM

Email anyone I'm missing to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

I have done a lot of research into the female side of these kind of blogs.  It seems that each writer at one point or another finds themselves characterizing different guys that she might meet.  There always is “The Player” or “The Mamas boy” or “The Best Friend”.  At a different time I will attempt to label and group single LDS women into sub-categories based on generalizations and stereotypes.  At this point I would like to give a male perspective on single LDS males.
“The Handshake Guy”- This is the guy that you meet when you have no sooner sat down in your seat than he is right next to you.  He wants to know where you’re from, why you’re in that ward, and what you do for a living.  He will usually react with awe as you relate your profession even if it is just an office clerk or nighttime janitor, and the moment that you get to where you are from his mind begins to work on who he might know that you might know.  “You are from Alaska”? he might say…”Well do you know…so and so” regardless of the fact that Alaska is twice the size of Texas and that the person he knows from Alaska lived there for two years from the ages of 3-5. He is someone that you never want to tell your real personal business to because no matter how he says he can keep a secret, at the instant that it might advance him towards his coveted role of Elders Quorum President he will spew out his new found knowledge like a boiling can of beans resting on a boy scout campfire.
“The Water Bottle at Church Guy”-What may be a normal day in church for you is a walk through the Mojave desert for this guy.  He is perhaps the easiest to spot because his quirks are on the outside… or are they.  Usually the “Water Bottle at Church Guy” has a story behind the bottle and you can bet your whole tithing check he wants you to ask him.  “Why am I carrying this bottle” he might reply “Well I can’t get parched because I am singing in church today (cue: swoon because he is musically talented.) He might also reply “I’ve just been so sick I have to keep fluids going through my body” (I really want someone who will mother me)
“Beard Guy” There is actually two types of beard guy:  The first type of beard guy is I have a beard because I don’t want look like all the short hair clean shaven cookie cutter elders. He wants to be an individual let people know that he lives by his own rules and plays his own game.  Often times he is more accepting of people and will be the one to offer up the “controversial” comment in class that begins discussion.  This beard guy goes to great lengths to make sure that he fulfills every bit of his calling as to not fill the stereotype of being a slacker just because he has a beard.
The second type of “beard guy” would say “I have a beard because I can’t be bothered to take care of myself.”  These guy usually wears a bear of corduroys from the late 90’s or a pair of khaki pants that his mom went with to purchase right before his first year of college .  He will be wearing brown leather slip on shoes (because he can’t be bothered to tie the laces) and white socks.
“The Bowtie Guy” (synonym “Suspender Guy)- This the guy that everyone in ward knows.  He is everyone’s friend and if you want to know what’s “going-on” in the ward this is the guy for you.  This guy probably served on Student government in high school or was on institute council in college.  He is very rarely seen with a girl not by his choosing, but because nature has dealt him the “you’re like a good friend to me” card time and time again.  He thrives on attention and wants more than anything to be taken seriously but is often regarded as a muse or jester to occupy the dead time during the block.
Last but certainly not forgotten (Your eyes are drawn to him the second he walks in the Chapel) is the “Colored shirt-No tie guy”-This guy was the popular guy in his high school or his college fraternity.  He is more often than not accompanied by the “Can you wear that to church and still be considered modest” girl.  This guy is usually in great athletic shape and uses his physique as an excuse to why he isn’t wearing a tie.  “I can’t get the top button to button cause my neck is too big” might be his retort to heckling from the bowtie guy.  Yep, they don’t sell bigger shirts than that at your Macy’s, Dillards, or insert random mall store here do they?

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Transmorfers: Mormon Meets the Eye

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Tuesday, April 21st, 2009 @ 6:39AM

Get your tickets now!

Here are the details for my show Transmorfers: Mormon Meets the Eye. It opens at the Off Broadway Theatre this Friday and runs Monday Friday and Saturday for the next six weeks. When you come to the show please tell them at the box office that “The Richie T Experience” sent you. It will save you money and make it so I might be able to do a show there again in the future. Not kidding…Seriously. 

Cant wait to see you on the boards (That means the stage)

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I don’t think I live a normal life.

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Saturday, April 18th, 2009 @ 10:14AM

This happen to you.

In addition to my bazaar dates that I go on, I think that the life that I lead is anything but normal.  I feel like I am put in situations that just dont happen to people.  I dont think that I ask for it (maybe others would disagree) but here is the latest installment of odd things. 

I woke up this morning and in preparation for the Richie T Experience received this email:

I heard you on the radio the other morning- I didnt know they let you on there! ha
But it made me wonder… did you ever, you know- come out?

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RT

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It took 14 months to get this text message

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Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 @ 9:43AM

Got this last week.

This is a friend from “The Ward”. This picture was taken in February of 2008.  I post it for a couple of different reasons. One cause its a cute girl that I didnt have to pay to be in a picture with me, Two, because she now lives in California and is less likely to check my blog and see that I posted it (She doesnt like the picture very much) and Three because I wanted to show that I can look kinda normal if I comb my hair. Enjoy.

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RT OUT!

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