Entertainment

“Road House” Reboot Heading to Prime Video. WHY?

A reboot of 1989’s “Road House” has found a home.

“Road House” is a damn-near flawless film for its time. That is why I was devastated under the burden of hearing that there’s a remake of the Patrick Swayze film will be landing on Amazon’s Prime Video service.

Jake Gyllenhaal is said to be headlining the film.

A statement from Prime Video reads: “’Road House’ is a homerun for us. Not only is it a nod to fans of the original, but it is also a big, fun, broad audience movie. We are thrilled to collaborate with Joel, Doug, and this great cast led by Jake Gyllenhaal, and for them to come together to reimagine the classic MGM film as an action-packed adventure for our global audience.”

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I, for one, am completely against this. Did you even see what they did to “Point Break” in 2015, bro? Now, granted, they didn’t have someone like Jake Gyllenhaal to take up the rains of Special Agent Johnny Utah or Bohi, but they shouldn’t have tarnished perfection in the first place.

Hollywood…or whatever it is these days…learns nothing. Nothing is sacred. This is one golden cow too many!!!

How many times have to come home from a night out with your friends and a bag full of Beto’s that your Lyft driver was nice enough to stop and let you buy, to flip through channels looking for ol’ P-Swayze ripping that dude’s throat out. You knew it would be on, and it was about 89% of the time. That old standby! Will they even let Jake Gyllenhaal rip a dude’s throat out? I would bet not!

And who is going to play Brad Wesley? Who could take up Wade Garrett’s mantel? Who will they get to deliver the line “I came into some money” as completely and utterly as creepily as Kevin Tighe?

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Why are they trashing this man’s legacy? By all accounts, his peers have said nothing about nice things about Patrick Swayze since his passing. According to accessonline.com, Whoopie Goldberg, his co-star in “Ghost” said, “Patrick was a really good man, a funny man and one to whom I owe much that I can’t ever repay. I believe in ‘Ghost’s’ message, so he’ll always be near.”

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I’ll warn you now that if they came for “Point Break” and they’re coming for “Road House”, they’re coming for “Black Dog”, “Ghost”, and oh yes, they are coming for “Dirty Dancing.” And I’m not talking about any of this “Havana Nights” crap. They are coming to put Baby in the corner and won’t let Baby out of the corner until they have recouped costs plus 22 points!

Also, you’d think Gyllenhaal would know better than to play with perfection. How much did they pay you, Jake? Was it enough to besmirch the god of Hollywood leading men for now, then, and all time? Jake Gyllenhaal, can you even rip out a man’s throat in one take??? We’ve all heard the stories. Swayze could and indeed, did. I like Gyllenhaal and don’t want to dismiss him, but this is like convincing me to get another COVID booster shot after I have already had 2 and still got (actually, I would probably just get the shot, but you catch my drift).

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P-Swayze does not deserve to have this post-mortem dilution of the perfection he gave us on the silver screen for decades. A pox on the house of anyone who’s involved, even Jake Gyllenhaal (not monkeypox, though – no one deserves that).

SHAME AMAZON! SHAME ON YOU!!!!

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In this case, opinions do NOT vary!

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  • 6 pm - 10 pm | I'm into snowboarding, paperbound books, NIN, NoFX, Chris Isaak, Jack White, Arcade Fire, The Strokes, Taco Tuesdays, and Australian licorice. Catch me highlighting new music every weeknight at 8 on X96 Xposed.

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