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Boner Candidates for August 18, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: THE BOY IS AN EXCELLENT DRIVER

Police say an upstate New York man had his 10-year-old drive his pickup truck while he was sitting in the passenger seat drunk. The Times Union of Albany reports police in the Saratoga County town of Stillwater were contacted by a motorist on Saturday who saw the child driving the truck on Route 9P. Police say officers pulled over the truck and found that the 10-year-old was behind the wheel while his father, 46-year-old John Barling of Saratoga Springs, was intoxicated in the passenger seat. Police say the child was picked up by a relative and Barling was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and permitting unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle.

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Boner Candidate #2: I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE NUMBER ONE

The man accused of raping an underclassman at John Kerry’s alma mater allegedly told detectives it was all a misunderstanding tied to a annual tradition known as the “Senior Salute,” wherein seniors publicly competed to sleep with the most underclassmen throughout the school year. Owen Labrie, a 19-year-old former prefect at St. Paul’s school in New Hampshire, was charged with repeatedly raping a 15-year-old girl on the roof of a campus building last summer. He’s denied having intercourse with her but allegedly told detectives it was “tradition” for seniors to keep a rolling list of sexual conquests published for all students to see—initially on a laundry room wall, and later on the internet.

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Boner Candidate #3: HOORAY FOR HUMILIATION, RELIGION AND HAVING YOUR DAY IN COURT.

A group that advocates the separation of church and state has filed a complaint about a Texas judge who ordered a man to marry his girlfriend as a condition of probation. The Freedom From Religion Foundation said Friday it filed the complaint against Smith County Court-at-Law Judge Randall Rogers a day earlier with the Texas State Commission on Judicial Conduct in Austin. On July 2, Rogers gave 21-year-old Josten Bundy 30 days to marry 19-year-old Elizabeth Jaynes or face 15 days in jail for pleading guilty to misdemeanor assault. Bundy admitted punching Jaynes’ ex-boyfriend twice in the jaw for “saying disrespectful things” about her. Rogers then gave him a choice between two years of probation or 15 days in jail, according to Jaynes. The probation terms included requiring Bundy to write out a Bible verse 25 times a day (“If a man digs a pit, he will fall into it.” — Proverbs 26:27), and getting married within 30 days.

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