Boners

Boner Candidates for December 22, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: IF YOU ARE UPSET OF COURSE YOU SHOULD USE VILE LANGUAGE AND THREATEN TO KILL SOMEONE.

Councilman Kitchen gets homophobic memo, informs police. A neighbor of one of the four newly announced homeless-shelter sites has sent a threatening email to Salt Lake City Councilman Derek Kitchen. The past nine days have seen a torrent of angry emails and phone calls to Mayor Jackie Biskupski and the seven members of the council. The latest email to Kitchen said the sender would “F— you up.” It continued: “You proposed a homeless shelter two blocks away from my home. … Watch your back and I promise to hire someone to see you soon.” He was referring to a planned homeless shelter/resource center at 131 E. 700 South, the present site of a Deseret Industries outlet in Council District 4. The sender also used a gay slur to address Kitchen. The councilman has long identified himself as gay. The emailer also referred to James Magleby, an attorney who represented Kitchen and his partner, Moudi Sbeity, in the federal landmark case Kitchen v. Herbert, that sought legalization of gay marriage. The email shocked Kitchen.

Boner Candidate #2: SO IT’S THE “WALK IT OFF YOU SISSY” PLAN FOR HEALTH CARE

Rep. Bill Huizenga (R-Mich.) says there’s “definitely” going to be changes in health care delivery after Republicans repeal the Affordable Care Act, and people are going to need to take more responsibility for the cost of their treatment. He gave a personal example of how do this: When his 10-year-old son recently fell on the driveway one evening and injured his arm, Huizenga waited until the next day to take him to the doctor because it cost less than bringing him to the emergency room that night. “We weren’t sure what was going on,” the GOP lawmaker said in a Monday interview with a local news outlet, MLive.com. “So I splinted it up, and we wrapped it up, and the decision was, okay, do we go to the E.R.? We thought it was a sprain, but weren’t sure. Took every precaution and decided to go in the next morning.” It turned out his son’s arm was broken. At a time when Republicans are broadcasting plans to repeal the Affordable Care Act next year, it’s an unsettling proposition that people with an undiagnosed and potentially serious ailment or broken body part should choose to get treated later, or less often, to save money.

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Boner Candidate #3: I DON’T THINK THIS WAS JESUS

A man became angry at two Temple Square visitors after reading scriptures to them, then attempted to stab them and drove off in a Ford Mustang, according to police. Just after 4:30 p.m. Tuesday, a man, 20, and his sister, 24, stopped by a Maverik gas station, 206 W. North Temple, to fill up after visiting Temple Square, said Salt Lake police detective Robert Ungritch. While pumping gas, a man approached the brother and asked if he could read scriptures to him, Ungricht said. “The male was holding a Bible in his hand and began saying he was Jesus and wanted to read some scriptures from the Bible to them. After several seconds, the male asked the male victim if he agreed with what he was saying. He said he was confused but said he agreed with (the suspect). The (suspect) became upset and produced what the (victim) thought was a knife,” he said. The victim was slashed on the left side of his head. The sister was also slashed on her throat before other customers chased the man away, Ungricht said. Both injuries were superficial wounds and neither required transportation to the hospital, according to police. Detectives believe a knife or screwdriver was used. The attacker drove off in a silver Ford Mustang. He is described as a white man with shoulder-length brown hair, about 5 feet 10 inches tall, weighing 160 pounds. Police believe they have good leads on finding the man, according to the detective.

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