Boners

Boner Candidates for February 1st, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: FATHER SUICIDE

The pastor of a largely immigrant Catholic church in Queens has a suggestion for his anti-Trump parishioners — go take a flying leap off the nearest building. “Show your hate for Trump. Do it for social justice. #JumpAgainstTrump,” read a meme posted by Father Philip Pizzo just hours after he celebrated Sunday Mass. The message included an illustration of a man plummeting from a skyscraper.

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Boner Candidate #2: I WAS DOING IT TO SOBER UP

Well, when you put it that way. People do some dumb thing while they are drunk. Things like running themselves over with their own truck, to shoving cables into their pee-hole. Which is why 25-year-old Katherine L. Muhlenbruc got behind the wheel of her car in order to “sober up.” At least that is what she told a cop. Muhlenbruc was pulled over when she was spotted by a Riverside police officer crossing the center lane. When the cop went up to the window Muhlenbruc simply said she was returning from a bar and had done nothing wrong.

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Boner Candidate #3: WELL, I’M A LOON.

A woman set up a date at a Lynnwood, Washington hotel Sunday night with the intent of killing a man she met online and eating his heart, police said. The suspect later told Lynnwood detectives that the gruesome plan was just one step in her bid to become a serial killer, according to police. Police say the suspect attacked a man she met on Craigslist at the Rodeo Inn in Lynnwood, Washington. (Google) Police arrested the suspect, a 24-year-old Edmonds woman, on suspicion of first-degree attempted murder after she allegedly stabbed the 29-year-old victim in the chest, puncturing his lung, according to KCPQ-TV.

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