Boners

Boner Candidates for February 22, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: I HAVE ANGER ISUSESH

A 53-year-old guy was drinking and snowmobiling last month near Aspen, Colorado.  And when he got back to his car, he realized someone parked him in.  Or at least he THOUGHT they did. There was plenty of room for him to get out.  But he thought they were too close to his car, so he started smashing up their truck with a BASEBALL BAT. Someone saw him do it and made him leave a note before he left.  In the note, he said he was sorry, and that he had anger issues. But he spelled “sorry” with two Y’s, and the word “issues” wasn’t even close.  He spelled it I-S-U-S-E-S-H.  (So you’d pronounce it something like, ISS-you-sesh.)

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Boner Candidate #2: CHICKEN POT, CHICKEN POT, CHICKEN POT PIE

A 30-year-old guy named Kevin Blanch from Springettsbury Township, Pennsylvania and his 61-year-old father Dennis got into an argument on Sunday morning. It escalated to the point where Kevin grabbed an AX and threw it at his dad’s NECK. Fortunately it just cut him and didn’t, you know, lop his head off. Kevin was upset at his mother for eating too much of the family’s pot pie, and Dennis took her side.

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Boner Candidate #3: YOU’RE NOT A MAN, YOU’RE A MOUSE

A 42-year-old man has been accused of punching his girlfriend, and striking her with a dildo, because she insulted his love making skills. *cough* whiskey dick! *cough* Eric Pritsch was charged with battery following the incident, which was reported earlier this month. According to the arrest affidavit, Pritsch’s girlfriend, 58-year-old Carol Favuzza, flagged down a deputy on February 7, and asked him to call police, as she had been assaulted. The officer apparently had to inform her he was the police.

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