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Boner Candidates for February 26 2016

Boner Candidate #1:  ISIS IS NOT AS FUN AS IT SEEMS

If there’s one thing teens love, it’s shoving household products into their orifices to get high. But if there are two things teens love, the second one is almost definitely ISIS. At least—that’s what theythink. But as it turns out, jihad is a real drag, and our lazy teens just can’t cut it. Take 16-year-old Marlin Stivani Nivarlain from Sweden, for instance. Nivarlain had run away with her boyfriend to join ISIS last May, but as she recently explained to a Kurdish television station, she hadn’t realized what exactly it was she was getting herself into: “First it was good together, but then he started to look at ISIS videos and speak about them and stuff like that. Then he said he wanted to go to ISIS, and I said ‘OK, no problem’, because I did not know what ISIS meant or what Islam was—nothing.”

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Boner Candidate #2: ARM THE CHILDREN

One of Iowa’s legislative bodies has passed a bill to allow children to handle handguns. The state’s House of Representatives voted Tuesday to pass a bill that would permit children under age 14 to use “a pistol, revolver or the ammunition” while under direct parental supervision. The bill — which was debated among other gun proposals and is now headed to the Iowa Senate — has been a polarizing issue in the state. “What this bill does, the bill before us, allows for 1-year-olds, 2-year-olds, 3-year-olds, 4-year-olds to operate handguns,” state Rep. Kirsten Running-Marquardt (D) said earlier this week, according to CBS-affiliate KCCI. “We do not need a militia of toddlers.” The current law has no restrictions on children using long guns or shotguns under their parents’ instruction but prohibits them from using handguns. State Rep. Jake Highfill (R) said the new bill, which passed 62-36, “brings the code in line with long guns and shotguns” by allowing children to also use handguns under direct supervision from a parent or legal guardian.

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Boner Candidate #3: MONEY CAN HIDE A LOT OF EVILS

Two Utah state lawmakers who took a paid trip to Azerbaijan recently praised the former Soviet republic’s commitment to religious freedom, echoing sentiments frequently heard in U.S. state legislatures and disputed by a half-dozen prominent watchdog organizations. Last week, Sen. Gene Davis, D-Salt Lake City, and Rep. Lynn Hemingway, D-Millcreek, read the citation in the Senate and House, respectively, before introducing Azerbaijan Consul General Nasimi Aghayev. Azerbaijan’s government, Davis told senators, “sees diversity as one of the country’s great strengths.” Aghayev followed by saying it was appropriate that the citation was read in Utah, “one of the most tolerant and harmonious states.” His remarks were met with applause. But Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International, International Christian Concern, the Committee to Protect Journalists, the Pew Research Center and the U.S. State Department have all called into question the policies of Azerbaijan’s government, including those related to religion.

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