Boners

Boner Candidates for February 3rd, 2017

BONER CANDIDATE #1: DADDY KNOWS BEST.

A new law in Arkansas bans most second trimester abortions and allows a woman’s husband to sue the doctor for civil damages or “injunctive relief,” which would block the woman from having the procedure.  The “Unborn Child Protection From Dismemberment Abortion Act,” signed into law last week by Gov. Asa Hutchinson (R), bans dilation and evacuation procedures, in which the physician removes the fetus from the womb with surgical tools. D&E procedures are the safest and most common way women can end their pregnancies after 14 weeks of gestation, according to the American Medical Association. A clause buried in the legislation states that the husband of a woman seeking an abortion, if he is the baby’s father, can file a civil lawsuit against the physician for monetary damages or injunctive relief ― a court order that would prevent the doctor from going ahead with the procedure. The woman’s parents or legal guardians can also sue, if she is a minor. The law states that the husband cannot sue the doctor for money in cases of “criminal conduct” against his wife ― namely, spousal rape ― but he could still sue to block her from having the abortion.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: OH, I WAS KIDDING AROUND.

“In this case, it was obvious that he’d suffered a great deal of bullying (that) had pushed him to this point,” Flaspohler said. “A big part of the (inquiry) is that, OK, we need to make this public so schools all over the place pay more attention to bullying.” Much of the witness testimony focused on Suttner’s manager, 21-year-old Harley Branham. Former coworkers said that she had repeatedly ridiculed Suttner on the job, making him clean the floor by hand while lying on his stomach, according to the Columbia Daily Tribune. Another coworker said Branham once threw a cheeseburger at Suttner after he made it incorrectly. But Branham testified that she did not bully the teen, and that any insults were in jest, the Tribune reports. “There’s a lot of people at Dairy Queen saying I was the reason” for his suicide, Branham said, according to the Tribune, “but I don’t understand why it would be that way.” After hearing testimony from about 20 friends, coworkers, and witnesses, the six-member jury recommended a charge against Branham. Court records for Branham did not provide information on an attorney. She is due to be arraigned February 14.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: I’LL MAKE UP SOME CHARGES

A California police officer has been caught on video threatening to make up charges to arrest a man at a sheriff’s office service counter. Duncan Hicks, 34, of Victorville, said the incident occurred when he went to the San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department on Jan. 20, to file a police report involving a child custody issue. Hicks said the receptionist was rude and the deputy refused to take his information for a report. “He said, ‘You have baba mama drama,’ and told me to leave the department,” Hicks told The Huffington Post. Hicks said he walked out, but reconsidered a few minutes later and returned. He said he decided to record the interaction on his cellphone. “Duncan, you know what man, I’m about getting tired of you and you’re about to go to jail,” the deputy can be heard saying after Hicks requests his badge number. “For what?” Hicks asks. The officer responds: “I’ll create something, you understand? You’ll go to jail, you understand that?” Hicks replies: “You can’t say that. How you gonna create something? That’s against the law.” The officer then appears to notice that Hicks is recording the exchange and says, “That’s illegal without my knowledge. You want to go to jail for that, too?”

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