Boner Candidate #1: SEX ASSAULT MATH PROBLEMS
Students at a Pennsylvania high school were given a math homework assignment that asked them to choose which family member sexually assaulted award-winning author, poet, and civil rights activist Maya Angelou when she was 8 years old. Pennridge High School students were asked: “Angelou was sexually abused by her mother’s _____ at age 8, which shaped her career choices and motivation for writing.” Using the math formula given, they had to choose either “boyfriend, brother or father” as the answer. The school district has since apologized for the incident after receiving several complaints. “We apologize to anyone who was offended by the content of the assignment and have taken steps to avoid such occurrences in the future,” Pennridge School District superintendent Dr. Jacqueline Rattigan said in a statement provided to BuzzFeed News.
Boner Candidate #2: WOULDN’T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK THE DONALD OWNED THESE
What’s in a name? “The Donald?” “Don’s Johns?” Workers were spotted going around the grounds for the inauguration of Donald J. Trump Friday morning taping over the name of the port-a-potties, Don’s Johns, that line the National Mall on big occasions. “I think it’s an absurd use of a worker’s time and that there is no use to cover up a name, if it’s the name of the company,” said Margot Finn. A spokesperson for the architect of the Capitol tells the Associated Press that the logos were covered to “comply with Capitol grounds restrictions on advertising.” But the Chief Operating Officer of Don’s John’s says the company provided portable toilets, with their logos, for the 2009 and 2013 inaugurations of President Barack Obama.
Boner Candidate #3: IT WAS A LITTLE PINCH
A Connecticut politician was arrested for sexual assault after he ‘jokingly’ gave a ‘little pinch’ to a woman’s groin. Republican Christopher von Keyserling, 71, was charged with fourth-degree sexual assault for grabbing a Greenwich, Connecticut, town worker’s genital area on Wednesday. The incident took place on December 8, 2016, after a heated political discussion, in which he told the unidentified 57-year-old woman that he ‘loved’ not having to be ‘politically correct’ anymore. Von Keyserling, who has served on the Greenwich Representative Town Meeting board since 1985, called the woman a ‘lazy, bloodsucking union employee’, reported the Westport Daily Voice.
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