Boners

Boner Candidates for March 24th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: YOU BETTER GET YOUR BIBLE RIGHT

A woman severely beat her daughter, tried to strangle her and kicked her out of their house for incorrectly reciting Bible verses, police say. Rhonda Kemp Shoffner’s daughter, who is under the age of 13, was forced to kneel on the bathroom floor at their Middletown home and repeat Bible verses, police told Pennlive.com. The girl told police her mother had been drunk for three days. Shoffner, police say, asked her daughter, “What did God tell the man to do with his son?” When the girl said she didn’t know, police say, Shoffner said, “God told the man to kill his son.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I’VE JUST GOT TO TAN

An Oregon day-care provider left kids as young as 6 months old alone in her home so she could go tanning and to the gym, authorities said. January Neatherlin, 31, was indicted Tuesday on 76 counts of criminal mistreatment and 38 counts of reckless endangering another person after cops got a tip and set up surveillance on her home, which she used as a day-care center. She left children alone at her house eight times over 12 days in March after parents dropped them off to her care, cops allege. Police who observed her driving off entered her home, where they found seven unattended children between the ages of 6 months and 4 years. Prosecutors say she left the house for about two hours each time and “went to the gym and tanning salon.”

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Boner Candidate #3: I NEEDED A RIDE

This California woman doesn’t waste time. Monique Cadena, 24, had been released from jail for only minutes Wednesday before she allegedly stole a running car parked outside the West Valley Detention Center in Rancho Cucamonga, California, taking the elderly woman sitting inside the vehicle along for the ride. Earlier on Wednesday, Cadena was booked for being under the influence of a controlled substance and slapped with a citation. She was released around 5 p.m. from the jail, and unsuccessfully tried to hitch a ride from jail visitors, according to a San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department release. “It is believed that when she exited the facility, she noticed the vehicle running and fled the area with the victim,” the sheriff’s department said. It was then she noticed the running Hyundai Sonata and drove off with the woman, who had been sitting in the vehicle waiting for a family member.

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