Boners

Boner Candidates for November 11th, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: HOW COME YOUR BOY AIN’T GETTIN UP?

An Ohio woman has been charged with child endangerment after she sneaked a sippy cup of vodka into a high school football game and her toddler son drank from it and became ill. Andrea Mucciarone, 30, pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor charge Tuesday in Conneaut Municipal Court. The public defender assigned to represent Mucciarone said Wednesday he had no comment.

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Boner Candidate #2: APPARENTLY THIS IS THE NEW WAY FOR MOMMY TO GET A LITTLE REST.

A Jacksonville woman was arrested Tuesday night after she was found passed out behind the wheel of a stolen car with an infant in her lap and drugs in the vehicle, according to the St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office. Amanda Marie Ray, 29, is charged with driving on a suspended license, possession of drug paraphernalia, grand theft auto, possession of heroin and child neglect, SJSO said. Deputies were notified that Ray was asleep in the front seat of a car at a Shell station in Nocatee at 40 Settlement Drive, near Nocatee and Crosswater parkways.

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Boner Candidate #3: PLEASE TO HELP ME CHECK MY BRAKES. THANK YOU.

Police have arrested a fetishist who allegedly licked and nibbled a woman’s foot for more than 30 minutes, police said Tuesday. Police in the city of Kyoto said Akira Nishiyama, 56, allegedly talked the 20-something woman in July into sitting in the driver’s seat of his car under the pretense of helping him check the braking system. Nishiyama then grabbed her right foot, removed her sandal and began licking the sole of her bare foot, a local police spokesman said, adding he was arrested on Monday on sexual assault charges. The woman, whose name was withheld, told police she could not immediately get free because he held on to her ankle, the Asahi Shimbun newspaper reported.

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