Boners

Boner Candidates for November 16th, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: WE KINDA FORGOT HE WAS DOWN THERE

Authorities said a 14-year-old boy weighing about 55 pounds is fighting for his life after spending much of two years locked in the basement of his Alabama home. Al.com quotes Shelby County authorities as saying that the child is in critical condition at an area hospital. Court records show that his parents, Richard and Cynthia Kelly, have been charged with aggravated child abuse. Bond for each is set at $1 million. The investigation began Sunday when Helena police were notified of the boy’s arrival at the hospital. According to arrest warrants, the couple is accused of denying food, nourishment and medical care to the boy, who was “subjected to forced isolation for extended periods of time.” The boy suffered from chronic malnourishment and shock according to the arrest warrant.

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Boner Candidate #2: RACIST DATING ADVICE

The Southern Methodist University in Dallas is the latest college campus to be hitwith racist propaganda, this time in the form of fliers warning white women not to date black men.  Two of the fliers were discovered in stairwells in a residence hall on Sunday, according to SMU’s newspaper “The Daily Campus.” Among some of the offensive messages in the flier included claims that black men are “much more likely to have STDs” and that “your kids probably wouldn’t be smart.”  An “alt-right” logo is printed in the bottom right corner of the flier.

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Boner Candidate #3: PORN CAUSES MISCARRIAGES

A Christian pastor in Minnesota offered advice to a grieving husband whose wife suffered a miscarriage, suggesting his “struggle with lust and pornography” somehow contributed to the couples’ loss. “I doubt that any of us has ever overestimated the danger of failing to fight lust,” Pastor John Piper—founder of desiringgod.org—said on his podcast last month. “And I am glad that our anonymous questioner has called it sin and is feeling bad about it.”

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