Boners

Boner Candidates for November 28, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: IT’S A GOOD THING HE’S 93. HE’LL BE GONE SOON.

One of Donald Trump’s electors isn’t backing down from the hateful comments he made six years ago calling for the murder of gays. Dennis Scranton, one of Montana’s three Electoral College voters, made the explosive comments in a 2010 Facebook rant against same-sex marriage.  Scranton wrote: “I think fruits are decorative. Hang up where they can be seen and appreciated. Call Wyoming for display instructions.” His remarks about Wyoming appear to refer to the brutal murder of gay University of Wyoming student Matthew Shepard, who was tied to a fencepost outside Laramie and tortured in 1998. He later died of his injuries.

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Boner Candidate #2: I WAS TRYING TO HELP HIM.

An Indiana mother is accused of injecting fecal matter into her 15-year-old son’s IV bag while he was undergoing cancer treatments at Riley Hospital for Children in Indianapolis. According to Marion Superior Court documents, Tiffany Alberts, 41, of Wolcott, Indiana, used a syringe to inject feces into her son’s IV on several occasions between November 13th and 17th, knowingly placing him “in a situation that endangered the dependent’s life or health.” The mother claimed her actions were meant to get her son moved from the ICU to another Riley unit, where she believed “the treatment was better.”

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Boner Candidate #3: HOLOCAUST ON ICE.

The wife of Vladimir Putin’s top spokesman has sparked international outrage over a Holocaust-inspired ice-skating routine in which she donned a death-camp uniform and mimed shooting her partner for a cheering audience. Competitive skater Tatyana Navka and her partner, Andrew Burkovsjy, glided across the ice grinning in black-and-white striped pajamas emblazoned with the Star of David and death-camp serial numbers, according to the Daily Mail. The duo performed the questionable piece for the Russian reality TV program “Ice Age.” Navka, a two-time world-champion skater and 2006 Winter Olympic gold medalist, is married to the Russian president’s head mouthpiece, Dmitry Peskov.

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