Boners

Boner Candidates for November 2nd, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: BACK TO CLASS I GUESS

A woman accused of killing a cop and another man during a drunken driving crash over the weekend had completed court-ordered DUI classes for a prior conviction just days earlier, court documents show. Suzanne Whitlow, 26, of Lexington, Kentucky, was allegedly driving under the influence at about 2:30 a.m. Saturday when she lost control of her vehicle and fatally struck Louisville Metro Police Department Det. Jason Schweitzer and Timothy Moore, a 56-year-old University of Kentucky employee.

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Boner Candidate #2: I CAN EXPLAIN….JUST GIVE ME SEVERAL CHANCES.

On Tuesday, the Twitter account for Sid Miller, Texas’ Republican Agricultural Commissioner, sent out a message seriously misspelling Hillary Clinton’s name and shortening it by several letters, rendering it as a far more offensive word beginning with “C.” Fortunately, he has a perfectly reasonable explanation for it—several of them, in fact. “PENNSYLVANIA: NEW AUTO ALLIANCE POLL” wrote @MillerForTexas in the since-removed tweet.

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Boner Candidate #3: MOM GIVES US “FEEL GOOD MEDICINE”

A Spanaway, Washington mother of three was charged and jailed on Monday, under accusations that she gave her three small children heroin to get them to sleep. Child Protective Services (CPS) removed the children of Ashlee Hutt, 24— a 6-year-old boy, a 4-year-old girl and a 2-year-old girl, from Hutt and her boyfriend Mac McIver’s home on Nov. 15, 2015 because there was heroin in the house, as well as needles and rat droppings, The News Tribune reported.

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