Boner Candidate #1: ORDER SOMETHING NOW. I DON’T HAVE ALL DAY
A Brookline firefighter has been arrested after police say he beat up a homeless man for taking too long to order his food at a restaurant. Police say 37-year-old Joseph Ward, of Boston, punched the man in the face five to seven times, kicked him and threw food and a bottle at him outside of Anna’s Taqueria in Brookline on Sunday night. The victim was taken to the hospital with a laceration to his eyebrow. WFXT-TV reports Ward did not answer the door Monday night. He is charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. Town Administrator Mel Kleckner says officials are aware of Ward’s arrest and he’s been placed on administrative leave pending further investigation.
Boner Candidate #2: I WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY HOLDING MY HORS D’OEUVRES PLATE
The Manhattan aunt suing her 12-year-old nephew for allegedly breaking her wrist with an enthusiastic hug on his 8th birthday has lost her case. A Connecticut jury took just 25 minutes to find in favor of the nephew Tuesday, the New York Daily News reports. Jennifer Connell had sued young Sean Tarala for $127,000, claiming her wrist injury made it difficult to walk up the three flights of stairs to her Upper East Side apartment, and that—I am not making this up—she had trouble holding her hors d’oeuvres plate at a recent party. She said he was negligent in excitedly jumping into her arms, and a “reasonable eight-year old” would know better. “We do not take great pleasure in bringing a minor to court,” Connell’s lawyer, William Beckert, said, according to the News, “She is not here enjoying a moment of this.” But the jury found the case for 12-year-old Sean, whose mother died last year, more persuasive.
Boner Candidate #3: THE CONFEDERATE STREET GANG
A group of white Georgia men and women with an alleged penchant for displaying the Confederate flag while terrorizing innocent black partygoers was just indicted as a street gang—a creative charge that would triple the time they could spend in prison, if convicted. The indictments, which came down Friday, stem from an alleged July confrontation wherein the Confederate Flag Boys—a gang name I just made up—decided to intimidate a group of black people attending a child’s birthday party. The details, via the New York Times: A cellphone video of part of the episode shows several white men driving away from the party in a convoy of pickup trucks with the Confederate battle flag and other banners, including American flags, fluttering from the truck beds. The partygoers contend that members of the flag group yelled racial slurs and displayed a crow bar, a knife and either a rifle or a shotgun, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, a civil-rights group in Montgomery, Ala., that is representing some of the accusers.
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