Boners

Boner Candidates for October 25, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: MR. HAPPY ABUSED OUR FRIENDSHIP TOO MUCH AND I HAD TO END IT.

Here you have another reason why drugs are bad, kids: you end up killing your imaginary friend and then demand the death penalty, which is exactly what one Florida man did. Geoff Gaylord walked into a Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office and confessed to his crime: he had repeatedly stabbed his friend ‘Mr. Happy’ with a kitchen knife, cut up Mr. Happy with a hatchet, and buried him in his backyard. Let me remind you again that this occurred in Florida, so perhaps it should come as a surprise to no one.

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Boner Candidate #2: YOU ALLOW KIDS TO BRING THE REBEL FLAG TO SCHOOL, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

The president of the Mississippi NAACP is demanding a federal hate crime investigation after the parents of a black high school student said as many as four white students put a noose around their son’s neck at school. “No child should be walking down the hall or in a locker room and be accosted with a noose around their neck,” president Derrick Johnson said Monday during a news conference in Wiggins. “This is 2016, not 1916. This is America. This is a place where children should go to school and feel safe in their environment.”

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Boner Candidate #3: HE WAS MESSIN’ WITH MY TUNES

The principal at a lower Manhattan high school was beaten to a pulp by a student on Monday when he told the teen to remove his headphones, sources said. Principal Matthew Tossman of Manhattan Early College School for Advertising, which is in inside Murry Bergtraum HS, spotted 18-year-old Luis Penzo with his headphones blasting in the hallway around noon, according to police sources.

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