Boners

Boner Candidates for October 17, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: THE HERO WE DON’T DESERVE, OR NEED

A Halfmoon man allegedly broke into his neighbor’s house to save the family dog from a fire, Thursday night. However, there was no fire. Troopers say he was on LSD and hallucinating.
Troopers say 43-year-old Michael Orchard of Inglewood Drive told them he mixed LSD with cough medicine Thursday afternoon and they found him, standing heroically with a dog in his arms outside of what he thought was a giant inferno. “He believed that the residence was on fire and he was rescuing the dog,” said Trooper Mark Cepiel, Troop G Spokesperson.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE PAIN OF LIVING IN POO TOWN

A woman in Winchcombe, Gloucestershire, says she feels unable to leave her house due to the copious amounts of dog poo on the street. Lisa Armstrong, mother of six-month old Elizabeth Parsons, said that each time she returns to her house after walking around town she is forced to clean poo off the pram’s wheels. She says the poo is all over town’s pavements. Lisa, 39, who is not a dog owner, said that she is in tears daily at the situation. And now, she is calling for change. She said: “I am at the end of a very short tether. I am literally at the point of not leaving the house, as every time I do my pram wheels seem to be covered in dog poo from the pavements in Winchcombe.”

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Boner Candidate #3: OOOPS

It took a hapless customer just three seconds to damage more than $6,000 worth of TVs, according to reports. A surveillance camera captured the unidentified man appearing to accidentally topple over four television sets at the HBH Woolacotts electronics store in St Austell, southwest England, on Sept. 29. He knocked over one of the TVs while crouching down to inspect it. The tumbling screen struck a second set, which also fell to the ground.

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