Boners

Boner Candidates for October 27, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: HEROIN, THE NEW MOTHER’S HELPER

Another startling photo of a parent strung out on heroin has been released by police in the Midwest, this time showing an Indiana mother sprawled out behind the wheel of her car — syringe still in hand — while her baby is crying in the backseat. “This is becoming a new norm for drug users,” Marshal Matthew Tallent told the Indianapolis Star. “Parents are doing this more often with children in the car because they are doing it away from someone who is going to disapprove.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I BRANDED HER LIKE HEINZ BEANS

Society is a lot more accepting of tattoos these days, letting people express themselves how they want to with their own bodies. But.. well… maybe this particular tattoo might cause regrets one day. Kourtney Leigh, aged 20, has got her boyfriend’s name tattooed on her face. Or, as her possessive partner puts it, she’s been ‘branded like Heinz Beans’. The word ‘Ryan’ goes above her left eyebrow, while ‘Wibbo’ is on the other side, so nobody else will ever be able to look at her without seeing Ryan’s handiwork.

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Boner Candidate #3: I NEEDED TO STEEL MY NERVES

A Utah pilot was arrested in Rapid City, S.D., Wednesday after he allegedly was caught trying to fly while intoxicated. In a statement, the Rapid City Police Department said it was tipped about 8 a.m. by Transportation Security Administration officers that the SkyWest Airlines pilot, identified as 38-year-old Russell Duszak of Salt Lake City, “smelled of alcohol. “After investigating these claims, the RCPD determined the pilot was in violation of [statute] which prohibits the operation of an aircraft with a blood alcohol [level] above .04,” the statement read.

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