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Boner Candidates for October 5th, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: IF YOU DON’T HAVE THE PROPER PAPER WORK YOU’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO HURTLE

A 9-year-old girl was denied her inhaler during a coughing fit at school in West Jordan because staff were not notified of the child’s prescription, Jordan School District officials said Monday. Emma Gonzales obtained an inhaler over the weekend after a coughing fit landed her in the emergency room. On Monday, the fourth grader was hit with another coughing spell in class at Columbia Elementary. When Emma took her inhaler out to use it, her teacher sent her to the office, where staff took the inhaler. Emma said she started coughing so hard she threw up on her pants. “When I get into the coughing fit, I kind of hurtle up on the ground, can’t breathe and then I start to kind of feel a little nauseous,” Emma said.

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Boner Candidate #2: STUFF HAPPENS

“Stuff happens” was the dumbest and most unfortunate thing Jeb! Bush said Friday in reaction to the mass shooting at an Oregon community college one day earlier, but his fumbling attempt to clean up that mess was nearly as rife with dumbitude and non-fortune. After challenging a reporter to tell him “what I said wrong,” The New York Times reports, Bush clarified that he meant “Things happen all the time. Things. Is that better?” Not really, but that didn’t stop him from going into detail about what he meant by “Look, stuff happens. There’s always a crisis and the impulse is always to do something, and it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.”

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Boner Candidate #3: I HAD TO GET AWAY FROM THE WIFE

A man claims he stole a truck so he can be jailed just to get away from his wife. Hayden Vandiver is accused of breaking into his old workplace, damaging property and stealing a pickup truck belonging to his former boss, who he despised. Speaking from behind bars to News 2, the 51-year-old from Tennessee, US, admitted the rampage last Sunday and said he was under the influence of drugs. But a grinning Vandiver also said he planned to get caught so he would be jailed and forced to leave his wife, reports WNCN.

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