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Boner Candidates for September 17, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: COME ON PASTOR. HOW MUCH LONG WILL SHE BE AROUND ANYWAY

A 103-year-old woman who has been attending the same church for nearly her whole life said she has been banned for disagreeing with her pastor’s way of service. Genora Hamm Biggs joined Union Grove Baptist Church in Elberton, Georgia, when she was just 11 years old and now, almost a century later, she was told she was “not to come back to the church, not even on the ground,” she told ABC News today. She and the Rev. Timothy Mattox have disagreed on his way of preaching since he was hired six years ago, she said, but their problems came to a head when he put out a motion to remove her from the church the first Sunday of August. This motion came after she and some other members held a church business meeting where she voiced her concerns about him not answering or returning her phone calls. “We tried to get him away but he’s determined to stay. After that motion was made, the next week I got his certified letter saying I was not to come back.” Biggs said. “I was sad and unhappy. Very unhappy.”

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Boner Candidate #2: HEY IM AN ACTOR; I WAS ACTING

Sometimes we’re confronted with difficult truths about our heroes, America. And sometimes we’re blessed with incredible stories. On days like today—both. The New YorkTimes reports that one of the stars of FXX comedy The League has been lying for years about juuust barely escaping the World Trade Center after the attacks on September 11. He was in Midtown, as it turns out. In an exposé that will shake your foundational beliefs and make you question everything you thought you knew, the Times reports that comedian Steve Rannazzisi has repeatedly told interviewers a story about fleeing the World Trade Center just before the second plane hit—a story that is completely untrue.  Here is the version of events that Rannazzisi has told to Marc Maron, Pauly Shore, and others since 2009: “I was there and then the first tower got hit and we were like jostled all over the place,” and “I still have dreams of like, you know, those falling dreams.” He claims the escape spurred his move to Los Angeles.

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Boner Candidate #3: AN AMBULANCE IS KIND OF EXPENSIVE

Who can put a price on human life? According to a grand jury report, the brothers of Baruch College’s Pi Delta Psi fraternity, who googled the cost of an ambulance as a pledge lay dying before determining such medical assistance would be too expensive. The New York Times obtained the report, which details the evidence that resulted in indictments against 37 members of the fraternity after a 19-year-old pledge, Michael Deng, died during a 2013 hazing event. On Monday, a grand jury recommended criminal charges against 37 former members of Baruch College’s…Read more The details of the attack are awful, and the justifications that followed are equally gruesome—rather than seeking help for Deng, who had passed out, the fraternity brothers reportedly googled head injury symptoms and researched the cost of an ambulance before determining it would be too expensive.

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