Boners

Boner Candidates June 20, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: HELLO NEWMAN!

Most people don’t think twice when mailing a letter. The deal has always been if you put the proper postage on it, the government will deliver it to the address you put on the front. There’s a good chance, though, no one has ever addressed their mail to a Pleasant Grove dumpster. A Pleasant Grove woman got a big surprise last week when she discovered hundreds, if not thousands of pieces of unopened, undelivered mail dumped inside a dumpster in her neighborhood. “Oh, I was totally shocked. When I first looked in, I first saw a package on the top, and underneath a big clack rug was all the mail,” said the woman who asked not to be identified because she said she doesn’t want the man suspected of trashing the mail to know what she saw. That man was a mailman.

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Boner Candidate #2: OH CHACHI, EVEN JOANIE DOESN’T BELIEVE THIS CRAP.

80’s sitcom star Scott Baio – and Fox Business’ latest terrorism “expert” – took Donald Trump’s “Obama’s a secret Muslim” dog whistle one step further by announcing outright that President Obama is either a Muslim or “a Muslim sympathizer.” On top of that, Baio “just asked” if Obama’s end game is to “totally eliminate the United States as it was created and founded and the way it is now.”

Baio joins “Joe The Plumber” as a voice of terror-fighting authority on the “business” network. Like Joe, Baio’s only credential seems to be his endorsement of Trump.

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Boner Candidate #3: REALLY? AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT? REALLY?

The parents of a 12-year-old Texas girl, who sustained a severe rope burn on her neck during an overnight school field trip to Germer Ranch in Blanco County, Texas, filed a lawsuit Monday against Live Oak Classical School.

Sandy Rougely and Kevin Parker are seeking $3 million in damages — to cover the cost of medical expenses, physical pain, mental anguish, disfigurement, impairment, loss of use and enjoyment of life of their daughter, who is being referred to as K.P.. They are suing for such a large amount “to not only compensate the victims in this case, but to deter this type of egregious conduct from others in the future, and to serve as an example to all educational institutions that this type of behavior is unacceptable,” the lawsuit says.

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