Boners

Boner Fight for August 24th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: I LIKE SAUSAGE AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY BUT THIS IS A BIT MUCH

A litter of adorable piglets were rescued from a barn fire — only to be slaughtered and turned into “fantastic” sausages as a gift to the firefighters who saved them. Eighteen baby pigs and two sows were rescued when a fire broke out in February at the farm in Wiltshire, England, which ripped through more than 130,000 pounds of hay, according to the BBC. But six months later, in a cruel twist of fate, the piglets were butchered into bangers as a thank-you gift to the smoke-eaters. Farm manager Rachel Rivers defended the morbid offering. “I gave those animals the best quality of life I could ever give until the time they go to slaughter and they go into the food chain,” she said. “You do feel sad at the end of it … but to bring them down for [the firefighters] was a good way of saying ‘thank you.’”

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Boner Candidate #2: LOVE WILL NOT BE DENIED

A 30-year-old Indiana man who started a crowdfunding site to raise money so he could travel to Montana to be with his 14-year-old “fiancée” is charged with felony sexual abuse of children. William White of Montezuma, Indiana, was arrested Monday after reportedly spending the night with the girl at a Missoula homeless shelter. He appeared in Missoula County Justice Court on Tuesday, but did not enter a plea. His case was assigned to the public defender’s office.

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