Boners

Boner Fight for January 21, 2021

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO STEAL A DOUGHNUT?

LEHI, Utah – People have pretended they’re law enforcement officers to pull people over, to make arrests, and yes, to get discounts on coffee and doughnuts. But authorities say a Utah man who impersonated a cop felt even more entitled, going so far as to steal a doughnut from 7-Eleven. Per a probable cause statement from the Utah County Sheriff’s Office cited by CNN, an employee from the convenience store in Lehi alerted police on Sunday that a man had come into the 7-Eleven sporting a sheriff’s deputy jacket, though he didn’t seem like a police officer, and that he swiped the baked good before leaving.

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Boner Candidate #2: ZIP IT RUSH. ZIP IT

Rush Limbaugh churned out a series of conspiracy theories regarding the inauguration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris during a rant claiming that the new president did not legitimately win the 2020 election. The conservative radio host started by bashing the field of flags set up on the National Mall to represent those who cannot attend the inauguration due to the coronavirus pandemic and the security threats following the storming of the U.S. Capitol. After dismissing these concerns, Limbaugh claimed that the real reason for the arrangement “is that I don’t think they were confident a bunch of people would show up for this.”

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