Boners

Boner Fight for January 24th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: SPLITTING UP THE TWINS

Ethan and Aiden Dvash-Banks are toddler twins who share almost everything: the same toys, the same nursery, the same clothes and the same parents. Everything but a toothbrush and US citizenship. To remedy what their parents, a gay married couple, view as an injustice, Ethan Dvash-Banks became a plaintiff at the tender age of 16 months in a federal lawsuit against the US State Department that seeks the same rights his brother has as a citizen. “What we’re trying to do is pursue justice for Ethan,” said Elad Dvash-Banks, his biological dad, “and correct a wrong that the State Department is continuing to pursue that might affect other couples.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I WAS MOTIVATING THE KIDS TO RUN FASTER.

A physical education teacher was caught stripping naked and chasing children around a playground in a bizarre video circulating online. Parents are outraged after footage surfaced of the Carthay Center Elementary School teacher exposing himself to nearby second-grade and fifth-grade students Friday on the Los Angeles campus, news station KCAL reported. The video was reportedly captured by a construction worker who started filming the man, who was not identified, as he put his pants back on in the middle of the playground. “He was supposed to be helping them learn P.E., run around and have fun,” a parent told KCAL. “But he undressed and started chasing the kids while he was naked, and then the kids ducked and dodged, ran into some of the classrooms and got safe haven that way.”

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