Boners

Boner Fight for July 27th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: HOLD MY BANANA WILL YOU?

A middle school principal in Iowa is in hot water for asking a female student to “hold his banana” while dressed in a costume resembling the fruit during a school assembly. But now school officials are refusing to say whether Fort Madison Middle School principal Todd Dirth was ever disciplined for the creepy encounter, the Des Moines Register reported Wednesday. Dirth was dressed as a banana, with a part of the costume protruding from between his legs, at a Dec. 13 event. He was shooting underhanded free throws when he asked the student to “hold his banana.” In July, it emerged that an employee was disciplined over the matter — but the district has refused to disclose the person’s name, citing a law in Iowa that allows, but doesn’t mandate, government officials to keep some personnel records confidential, the Register reported.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE FBI IS BLOCKING THE PORN ON MY PHONE.

This week, 47-year-old Christopher Kruithof filed a complaint against the FBI, alleging that the federal law enforcement agency was blocking his phone after he viewed child pornography on it. They weren’t—police reportedly chalked it up to a ransomware virus. Kruithof’s complaint was, as you may have already realized, effectively an admission that he was viewing child pornography. He also reportedly showed the police a photo of child pornography he had on his phone at the time of the complaint. The officers let Kruithof go—and then got a warrant to search his phone. Officers arrested Kruithof on Wednesday on two charges of first-degree possession of child pornography. When they asked if he had any other images on his phone, he reportedly responded, “Oh sure.”

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