Boners

Boner Fight for March 14th, 2019

Candidate #1: THEM CACTUSES HAD IT OUT FOR ME

Police say a man is facing child endangerment charges after he brought his 1-year-old son along to shoot a saguaro cactus at Piestewa Peak Monday evening.  According to court documents, Nicholas Forte invited two friends to fire a glock 9mm handgun at a cactus on the Hopi trail head Monday evening. Forte had his 1-year-old son with him because he said his wife needed a break from the child. Forte and his two friends, Kyonne Hodge and Aaron Bradford, told police they took turns watching the child under a ramada as they smoked marijuana and fired the gun at the cactus, court documents say. Forte said he shot at the cactus seven to 12 times.

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Candidate #2: THE TEXAS VERDICT

David Mamet has stepped in to defend the characters of his friends Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy after they were caught paying a proctor to raise their daughter’s SAT scores as part of a sweeping college admissions scandal. According to Mamet, such lovely people do not deserve to be punished for flagrantly attempting to game the system with their wealth. Punishment should only be for poor people!

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