Boner of the Day

Boner Fight for May 9th, 2019

Boner Candidate #1: PLEASE, ANTI VAXERS, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

The lawyer for a Kentucky high school student who wasn’t allowed to participate in school activities because he wasn’t vaccinated for chickenpox says his client has now contracted the illness. Attorney Christopher Wiest of Covington told The Kentucky Enquirer that 18-year-old Jerome Kunkel came down with chickenpox last week. Wiest says Kunkel is “fine” and “a little itchy.” After an outbreak, students who weren’t vaccinated were ordered to stay away from Our Lady of the Assumption Church school and activities. Kunkel sued the Northern Kentucky Health Department, claiming the vaccine is against his religious beliefs, and others joined in. A judge last month denied the request to return to activities. Wiest said Tuesday about half his clients have contracted chickenpox since filing the case. He said he told parents that a child’s getting chickenpox would be the quickest way to resolve the case, since a bout of chickenpox confers immunity.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT’S WATER YOU DOPES.

Water has gone punk. With $1.6 million in fresh seed funding led by Science Inc., the cofounder and CEO Mike Cessario is ready to bring Liquid Death, his direct-to-consumer canned-water startup, to prime time. That’s right: Despite the name, Liquid Death is nothing but good old-fashioned H2O, served in a tallboy can. Cessario is familiar with eye-catching marketing, having worked on viral promotions for the Netflix original series “House of Cards,” “Stranger Things,” and “Narcos.” He tapped into his background playing in punk and heavy-metal bands to come up with Liquid Death, because, he says, “nothing’s better than water at murdering your thirst.” Cessario’s “straight edge” contemporaries were looking for a water brand that spoke to them, instead of to “Whole Foods yoga moms,” as he puts it. Straight-edge punks are sober, Cessario said, but still otherwise all in on the punk lifestyle. “Red Bull blurs the lines — are they an energy-drinks company or action-sports brand?” Cessario said. “You just don’t see that in the health space and with the healthy brands. I don’t drink soda or energy drinks, and neither do most of my friends.” Liquid Death is available only online. Interested customers, punk and not, can purchase the sustainably sourced Austrian water in 12-packs of tallboy cans. Cessario said that while his company was initially designed for straight-edgers, he’s still selling a product — that is, water — that could appeal to any demographic.

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