BONER CANDIDATE #1: WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSLELF, GORDIE MORROW?
DAVENPORT– It’s been three months now, and this mother has still not been able to properly grieve the loss of her only son, Drew. Drew Morgan died in a motorcycle accident on the corner of Division Street and 53rd Avenue back in July. Drew’s mom, Denise, will always have 19 years worth of happy memories, but one, she says, casts a dark shadow she can’t see past. “Forever attached to this now, my son dying, is this. It’s like this dirtiness attached to greed, pure greed,” says Denise Cundell Day. Immediately after the accident, support came in from all over the Quad Cities in the form of bake sales, cards, and fundraisers. There was one benefit though, the Drew Morgan and Family Benefit, that collected money with a 50/50 raffle, a silent auction, and a bike ride. “People gave things that we know. They donated gifts and items to this auction. We tried to get family and friends down to support it.”
BONER CANDIDATE #2: THERE IS A NAKED TWEAKER IN OUR FONT
A North Dakota man tweaking on meth yesterday stripped off his clothes and went into a church’s baptismal font before emerging to walk toward the altar while masturbating, an affront witnessed by 75 individuals attending mass, according to a probable cause affidavit. The 9 AM mass Tuesday at Spirit of Life Church was interrupted when Zachary Burdick, 21, appeared in the entryway of the Roman Catholic church in Mandan, a city about five miles from Bismarck. A female church employee called police after Burdick (seen at right) disrobed and entered the font, where he was “masturbating facing the altar.” Burdick, she added, then “began walking down the aisle toward the altar while still masturbating.” Witness Darrell Kilzer, 68, told police that Burdick began to “splash around” in the “Holy Water fountain.” Kilzer added that Burdick later “entered the sanctuary with his ‘machinery’ hanging out and was ‘pumping’ himself.”
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