Boners

Boner Fight for October 17th, 2018

BONER CANDIDATE #1: WE’VE MADE SURE THE RICH ARE KEEPIN THEIR MONEY, NOW WE’RE COMIN FOR YOU.

After instituting a $1.5 trillion tax cut and signing off on a $675 billion budget for the Department of Defense, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said Tuesday that the only way to lower the record-high federal deficit would be to cut entitlement programs like Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security. “It’s disappointing, but it’s not a Republican problem,” McConnell said of the deficit, which grew 17 percent to $779 billion in fiscal year 2018. McConnell explained to Bloomberg that “it’s a bipartisan problem: Unwillingness to address the real drivers of the debt by doing anything to adjust those programs to the demographics of America in the future.” The deficit has increased 77 percent since McConnell became majority leader in 2015. New Treasury Department analysis on Monday revealed that corporate tax cuts had a significant impact on the deficit this year. Federal revenue rose by 0.04 percent in 2018, a nearly 100 percent decrease on last year’s 1.5 percent. In fiscal year 2018, tax receipts on corporate income fell to $205 billion from $297 billion in 2017.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: COOKIES OF THE DEAD

Two students accused of baking cookies with human ashes and feeding them to classmates won’t face criminal charges, according to authorities in California. “We’re letting the school handle the matter with the juveniles and the families,” Lt. Paul Doroshov of the Davis Police Department told HuffPost. “It’s basically, under California penal code, a public nuisance.” Authorities launched an investigation into the case earlier this month, after a school resource officer at Da Vinci Charter Academy High School in Davis was told two students used cremated human remains as an ingredient in a batch of sugar cookies passed out on campus. “There were claims that the cookies they baked contained one of [the students’] grandparents cremated ashes,” Doroshov explained. “Approximately nine students consumed the cookies but there were no reports of physical ailments.”

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