Boners

Boner Fight for September 20th, 2018

Boner Fight

Boner Candidate #1: GREAT, I HAVE A BROKEN LEG AND I’M NOT EVEN DRUNK.

Early last Thursday morning, a man was driving down an expressway in Xuzhou, Jiangsu province when he saw police stopping cars ahead of him for a sobriety test. Apparently hoping to avoid getting into trouble with the law, the man abandoned his van on the side of an exit, dashed across the highway, and hopped over the median, attempting to find a way out of this predicament. After failing to catch a cab, the man decided that the only thing to do was to jump down from the overpass. And that’s where police found him, with a broken leg. The man explained to one officer that he had been drinking the night before and was worried that the alcohol would register in the test. However, at the hospital, he was found to have a BAC of zero.

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Boner Candidate #2: SO WHAT? I SHOULD JUST KEEP HER LOCKED UP IN THE HOUSE ALL DAY?

A man was arrested at a Pennsylvania fair for using a dog leash to walk his wife, who has late-stage dementia, police said. Walter William Wolford Sr., 66, of Hagerstown, was charged with one count of simple assault at the York Fair on Saturday, after a witness told police they saw Wolford leading his wife, Catherine Wolford, around the fairgrounds with a red nylon dog leash about 8 feet long, the York Daily Record reports. At one point, Wolford was spotted yanking the leash, causing his wife’s head to “move backwards and for her to sustain red marks around her throat area,” according to charging documents. Responding cops noted Catherine Wolford’s condition as she was being treated by medical personnel at the fair. “She was very disoriented, did not know where she was, her own name, and spoke in gibberish,” West Manchester Township police said in a report.

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