Boners

Boner Fight for September 7th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: IT WOULDN’T FLUSH AND THEN I PANICKED.

A woman who threw her poo out of her date’s toilet window because it “would not flush” had to be rescued after she got stuck trying to retrieve it. The amateur gymnast was on a first date with Bristol student Liam Smith when she “panicked” and threw the poo out of the window. It did not land in the garden, but became wedged between two non-opening windows. After climbing in head first after it, she became wedged. Mr Smith had to call the fire brigade for help.

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Boner Candidate #2: WELLSVILLE UTAH,, MAKING US PROUD

Because Utah was not exactly a flashpoint of the Civil War, we have been insulated from the debate about whether to tear down the monuments to Confederate generals who fought to defend slavery. That doesn’t mean we don’t have our own relics of a racially troubling history that we try to gloss over out of a misguided reverence for a past that didn’t really exist. And our’s aren’t cast in bronze. Case in point, the “Sham Battle” held as part of the Founders‘ Day festivities in the town of Wellsville. As they have since 1916, more than a century ago, a handful of folks from the idyllic Cache County town paint their bodies crimson red, put on head dresses and something approaching native outfits, and slather on war paint to re-enact an apocryphal clash between the Indians and the hard-working Mormon settlers.

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