Round One
Boner Candidate #1: I SWAPPED OUT THOSE BABIES FOR FUN
Nurses are seen as caregivers in the hospital and patients are supposed to feel safe and taken care of in their charge. However, some nurses have proven to be the devil in human form. A Zambian nurse, Elizabeth Mwewa, has confessed her sins on her sick bed as she asked God for forgiveness, Zambian Observer reported. The nurse who used to work at The University Teaching Hospital (UTH) in Zambia confessed that she has exchanged over 5000 babies during 12 years of service. “I have terminal cancer and I know I will be dying soon. I wish to confess my sins before God and before all the affected people especially those who were giving birth at UTH during my service,” she said. According to the elderly woman, she is now born again and did not want to hide anything that would stop her from visiting the land of honey and milk. ” I have nothing to hide, In the 12 years I worked in the maternity ward at UTH, I swapped close to 5000 babies,” she confessed Mwewa added that it became a habit and she used to do it for fun which has now acknowledged that she has sinned against God and Zambians and would want them to forgive her. “I know I sinned against God and may he forgive me for that. I am also asking Zambians to forgive me for the evil things I was doing to innocent children. I have caused some faithful couples to divorce after going for DNA Tests,” she said
Boner Candidate #2: HAVE A SEXY EASTER
A New Jersey dentist is known for lawn displays, but some residents think the mannequins wearing lingerie and bunny ears in his new garden scene takes things too far. Resident Desiree Mozek tore down the display on Tuesday, April 9 with a pair of garden shears while a local TV news crew from WPIX recorded. “I got a son, you know? He’s 16 years old,” she said. “He’s a good boy, you know? He doesn’t need to see this every time I take him back from school and stuff.” Mozek said she isn’t concerned about being fined because it would be worth it. Many said their concern was that the display on the lawn of Dr. Wayne Gangi’s dental office was “distasteful and disrespectful” around Easter, interpreting the bunny ears and eggs as connected to the holiday. But when Dr. Gangi returned to his office, he said his display had nothing to do with Easter. He said it was meant to honor Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner for what would have been his 93rd birthday. Gangi told WPIX he was headed to City Hall to take care of the situation after he saw the destroyed mannequins. “This isn’t the first time I had a problem with her,” he said about Mozek.
Boner Candidate #3: BANG YOUR GRAVEL CHAIRMAN WATERS
Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin got into a fiery exchange with U.S. Rep. Maxine Waters on Tuesday during a committee hearing with lawmakers on Capitol Hill. At the end of a three-and-half-hour testimony before the House Appropriations Committee and Financial Services Committee, which is chaired by Waters, Mnuchin interrupted the hearing to remind the committee of a prior agreement that he would be able to leave by 5 p.m. Mnuchin said that he was scheduled to meet with a senior official from the Bahrain government. After running overtime, he said he would be willing to stay until 5:15 and return at a later date to testify before Congress. “It will be embarrassing if I keep this person waiting for a long period of time,” Mnuchin said. His departure, however, did not come without a heated back-and-forth with Waters. “Unfortunately, we are all pressed for time,” said the California congresswoman, whose committee grilled Mnuchin about his plans to respond to Democrats’ requests for access to President Trump’s tax returns.
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Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: THEY WERE USING MY SHAMPOO
Millcreek tenants are upset after they say their landlord listed rooms on the property on Airbnb and then left them to pay for it. “Can you imagine if somebody just walked into your house — somebody you didn’t know —and started using your stuff like it was a hotel?” said R.J. Walker. It wasn’t the sort of weekend Walker and his roommate expected when they say unwelcome strangers moved into the Millcreek home where Walker has rented a room for the last 9 years. “At about 10:30 at night, I heard some stomping up and down the stairs,” roommate Erik Zimmer said. “That was the new Airbnb tenants moving in.” The landlord sent Walker a text in February, asking him what he thought about the landlord listing two empty rooms in the house on Airbnb. Walker replied that he and Zimmer were uncomfortable with it and had concerns about who might stay, how many people, and what they would use while they were there. According to texts Walker showed KSL TV, the landlord responded that the property would be listed, but that Walker and his roommates could have a say in who would stay and when. That’s one reason why Walker was surprised to find two men over the weekend not only living in a room in the house, but also using his stuff. “I can’t live like this, you know,” Walker said. “I can’t wait in line for the shower behind strangers I don’t know who are using my shampoo.”
Boner Candidate #2: THINGS ARE A BIT TIGHT FOR ME SINCE I BOUGHT AN ISLAND.
A Florida man was arrested on Saturday for shoplifting at a Kmart, just days after he purchased a multi-million-dollar private island off Key West. Andrew Lippi, 59, was accused of stealing about $300 worth of household goods from a Kmart in Key West, where police said he purchased various items between March 30 and April 4, replaced them with cheaper items and returned them for a refund. Lippi made headlines last week when he purchased Thompson Island, a private estate formerly owned by the philanthropist and developer Edward B. Knight, for $8 million, according to ABC Miami affiliate WPLG. Lippi also owns a 12-bedroom resort compound in Key West that MTV used to film a season of “The Real World” in 2006. That property rents for about $1,800 a night on Airbnb, WPLG reported. Lippi stands accused of stealing multiple items, including LED light bulbs and a $55 Hamilton Beach coffee maker, which he allegedly “replaced with a much older coffee maker” and returned for a full refund, according to the Key West Police Department. Police said Lippi also bought a $150 Keurig coffee machine on March 30, returned it and received a full refund a day later. Kmart employees notified the store’s loss prevention officer after realizing the coffee machine box instead contained a basketball, according to police.
Boner Candidate #3: THAT BURGLER REALLY SUCKS
Deputies in Oregon were prepared with guns drawn when a woman said someone was in her bathroom — but what they found was nothing of the sort. Multiple deputies with the Washington County Sheriff’s Office responded to a 911 call at 1:48 p.m. and surrounded the home minutes later, the department wrote in a Facebook post on Tuesday. The officers, who even went so far as to request a canine to help them at the scene, reported hearing noises coming from a bathroom inside the house. After not responding to “several announcements” commanding them to leave the bathroom, deputies drew their guns and opened the door to see who was inside. The suspect was a Roomba, an automatic vacuum cleaner, the sheriff’s office said.
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