Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for April 13th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT IS THIS, THE EAST GERMAN STASI?

Boner Candidate #2:TURN ‘EM INSIDE OUT.

Health care workers at a Reno nursing home where a coronavirus outbreak has killed two people were told to use surgical masks for two days and to flip the mask inside out before wearing on the second day. While CDC guidelines allow masks to be re-used in emergency situations, the guidelines are very clear that the outside surface of the mask — which can be considered to be contaminated — not be touched or come in contact with any other surface.  However, in a March 26 letter to staff obtained by the Reno Gazette Journal, management of the Lakeside Health and Wellness assisted living center told its employees to store their masks overnight in a paper bag and then re-wear them inside out on the second day. “When returning the next day that you are scheduled, you will use the same mask as the prior shift, by turning it inside out and wearing it through your shift,” the letter said. “That mask will then be discarded at the end of your 2-days.”

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Boner Candidate #3: BRIAN COULDN’T PERFORM SO I TOLD HIM TO GO HOME.

A threesome did not have a happy ending early Thursday when the two male participants got into a bloody fight that landed one of them in a South Carolina jail on multiple criminal charges, court records show. According to a sheriff’s report, Michael Charles and Michelle Fleming, both 47, share a residence in Duncan, a town in Spartanburg County. Charles told cops he and Fleming are “roommates with benefits,” a characterization that Fleming did not dispute. Charles said that he invited Brian Alden, 40, to the home to “hang out and possibly have a threesome with him and Fleming.” Fleming told investigators that Charles “had invited Alden over to fulfill a sexual fantasy.”

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE RABBIT.

An Ohio man has been arrested for allegedly brandishing a gun and threatening a person dressed as the Easter Bunny who was waving to motorists from an interstate overpass. A 49-year-old man was arrested on Wednesday afternoon in Middlebourne, located about 95 miles east of Columbus. The suspect, who has not been named as of Friday evening, was given a breath-alcohol test at an Ohio State Highway Patrol post but was taken to a medical facility when jail officials refused to book him because of an elevated temperature, leading to concerns he might be infected with the coronavirus. Guernsey County Sgt. Jason Best on Friday told The Daily Jeffersonian the man could face charges of aggravated menacing and improper handling of a firearm in a vehicle. Deputies found the suspect and another man sitting inside a camouflage-painted Dodge pickup truck parked at the edge of a field shortly after receiving a call about the Easter Bunny threat over Interstate 70.

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Boner Candidate #2: SOMEONE NEEDED TO TEACH THEM NURSES A LESSON I GUESS.

As medical workers left New York Presbyterian Hudson Valley Hospital in Cortlandt, N.Y., early Friday morning they found that tires on 22 cars in the parking lot had been slashed, officials said. In a press release circulated Friday, New York State Police said it had arrested Daniel R. Hall, 29, for the incident. The police said Hall also allegedly had a small amount of PCP on him. Hall’s attorney could not be immediately located for comment. “We were shocked to hear of this incident, especially at this time when our employees are working tirelessly and courageously through this crisis,” NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital told TIME in a statement. The hospital told TIME it would pay for the damages. Hall was arraigned and given sent to the Westchester County Jail in lieu of $1,500 cash bail. He’s scheduled to appear before Peekskill Court on May 18. The police did not immediately respond to TIME’s request for comment.

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Boner Candidate #3: I LIKE JUMPING OFF STUFF

A professional BASE jumper has pleaded guilty to taking two illegal jumps in Zion National Park. Marshall Miller — who describes himself as a “human flight pro” on his Instagram account — has been fined $5,000 and banned from Zion for two years. And, according to a news release from the park, the court warned him that any new offense would result in a jail sentence. According to his website, flywithmarshall.com, Miller has made his living for the past decade by “traveling the world with the GoPro Bomb Squad — the company’s exclusive flight team, which he co-founded — demonstrating the approach to calculated risk that has worked so well in his own life.” His YouTube videos, posted on the GoPro page, have been viewed millions of times. But on March 28, authorities at Zion received an anonymous tip that Miller and two other people were planning to BASE jump in the park; BASE jumping is prohibited in all national parks. Marshall, who lives in Salt Lake City, was seen jumping from the Great White Throne, according to a news release from the National Park Service, and he was “apprehended later that night after initially evading the rangers.”’

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