ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: WHAT’S DUMBER THAN SUGGESTING DRINKING BLEACH MIGHT HELP?
Two men in Georgia drank liquid cleaning products over the weekend in misguided attempts to prevent contracting COVID-19 after President Donald Trump floated the idea of ingesting disinfectant as a treatment for the virus. Georgia Poison Center Director Gaylord Lopez said both men had histories of psychiatric problems and are expected to recover. Lopez said he did not know if the men drank the chemicals because they heard Trump’s statements during a White House briefing last week, where he wondered aloud if injecting disinfectant into the lungs could treat the virus. In Kansas, state health officer Dr Lee Norman mentioned a similar case at a press briefing on Monday as he revealed that the Kansas Poison Control Center has seen a more than 40 percent increase in cleaning chemical cases. Norman said that a man, who was not identified, ‘drank a product because of the advice he’d received’ but did not specify the source of the advice. ‘We’re doing what we can to counter-message against that kind of remedy,’ he said.
Boner Candidate #2: I CAN CHECK IN WHENEVER I WANT AND OUT TOO.
Lehi officials took a Salt Lake City man into custody after he allegedly broke into and stole several items out of a local hotel that had temporarily closed due to the pandemic. According to the probable cause statement filed in support of the arrest, detectives reported to the scene of a potential forced-entry burglary at the Springhill Suites in Lehi on 2447 W. Executive Parkway on Monday. When officials arrived, they discovered a room on the ground floor had a broken window and personal property belonging to the suspect, 36-year-old Randy James Urban, was found inside the room. Police seized the items and continued their investigation, finding video surveillance of Urban allegedly frequently visiting the hotel around 6:30 p.m., according to arrest documents. The hotel has been temporarily closed due to the coronavirus pandemic. Officers set up a perimeter around the hotel before they observed a man walk toward the building at about 9 p.m. The man matched the description of Urban, and according to the probable cause affidavit, he appeared to be “scoping out” different hotel rooms as he walked around the building.
Boner Candidate #3: BARE FACED AND STUPID
(CNN)When Vice President Mike Pence walked into the Mayo Clinic on Tuesday, he wasn’t wearing a face mask. Everyone else in the building was, according to reporters who were traveling with him. After all, it has been the policy at the renowned Rochester, Minnesota, facility since April 13. They even say they’ll provide one. Pence was told of the new rules before he visited, the clinic said on Twitter, a post that was subsequently deleted. “Mayo Clinic had informed @VP of the masking policy prior to his arrival today,” they had written. But as he visited a blood and plasma donation center inside the building, Pence was bare-faced. Others in the room — including Dr. Stephen Hahn, the Food and Drug Administration head — wore coverings. The Mayo Clinic briefed Pence’s team in the last several days about the clinic’s policy requiring face masks, a person involved in planning the visit told CNN. The briefing came after the White House reached out last week about a potential visit. The person said when the clinic told the White House about the policy, it wasn’t clear whether Pence would wear a mask.
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: GOD HAS SPOKEN: GUILTY.
Televangelist Pat Robertson agreed that abortion and same-sex marriage are partly to blame for the novel coronavirus that has caused massive social and economic upheaval in the U.S. The 90-year-old Christian Broadcasting Network founder suggested that God won’t end the coronavirus pandemic until people “turn from their wicked ways.” “You confess your sins and forsake them. Then he heals the land. It’s not before,” he said on an episode of his show, “The 700 Club,” earlier this week. Robertson’s comments came during a segment in which he fields questions from viewers. On Monday, a viewer asked him about how a popular Bible verse, 2 Chronicles 7:14, applies to COVID-19, the illness caused by the novel coronavirus. The verse reads, “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” The viewer asked: “How can God heal our land and forgive the sins when abortion and same-sex marriage are laws and many people are anti-Israel. Doesn’t this prevent his healing and forgiveness?”
Robertson told the viewer, “You are right.”
Boner Candidate #2: HOPEFULLY THIS BUSINESS WILL STAY CLOSED.
The spread of the new coronavirus has stalled economic activity, halted travel and locked down some cross-border trade. Another sector that’s feeling the pinch is criminals trafficking illegally in poached wildlife. “Security is too heavy at the border. Products can’t go out,” said a person in Vietnam involved in the trade. That person spoke to an undercover investigator who was involved in a new report on the state of the illegal wildlife trade. The pandemic has prevented organized criminal gangs in Southeast Asian countries from moving large quantities of ivory and pangolin scales into China. But any limits on the illegal wildlife trade are likely to be temporary. “There’s too much money to be made from these products, and there’s too many people involved for this to have a significant long term impact,” said Sarah Stoner, a co-author of the report and director of intelligence at the Wildlife Justice Commission, an international foundation based in The Hague, Netherlands, that works to dismantle illegal wildlife trade. She and other experts say that while the coronavirus’s limits on travel and business could be an opportunity for law enforcement to disrupt criminal networks, the pandemic’s economic toll could attract more people to the trade.
Boner Candidate #3: OH, AND THEN THERE’S THE KKK THING.
SALT LAKE CITY — The Utah Attorney General’s Office said Tuesday it was suspending a $20 million contract it had with the surveillance system Banjo after an online report detailed the company founder’s history with a white supremacist group and a shooting at a synagogue. “The Utah Attorney General’s office is shocked and dismayed at reports that Banjo’s founder had any affiliation with any hate group or groups in his youth. Neither the AG office nor anyone in the AG’s office were aware of these affiliations or actions. They are indefensible. He has said so himself,” the office said in a statement to FOX 13. “Attorney General Sean Reyes and the Attorney General’s office absolutely condemn the hate and violence promoted by supremacist groups and will continue to aggressively fight crimes and decry domestic terror perpetrated by them. While we believe Mr. Patton’s remorse is sincere and believe people can change, we feel it’s best to suspend use of Banjo technology by the Utah AG’s Office while we implement a third-party audit and advisory committee to address issues like data privacy and possible bias. We recommend other state agencies do the same.”
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