Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for August 31st, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: ONLY THE COOL GUYS HAVE A PLAYBOY TATTOO… ON THE FACE

Highlands County, FL — A Florida man with a “playboy” face tattoo was arrested for robbery on Thursday. According to the Highlands County Sheriff’s Office, Shane Jacob Ozzy Sears, 22, was arrested for robbing a man near the Circle K on Hammock Road in Sebring, Florida. A K-9 and deputy team tracked Sears from the crime scene and deputies found him at a home on Jacklin Avenue in Sebring. Sears was out on bond for an April arrest for felony battery, felony domestic battery, aggravated battery, and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, according to the sheriff’s office. He was accompanied by a man who has not yet been arrested. Anyone who has information about the case is asked to contact Detective Du’Wayne Kelly at 863-402-7250 or email [email protected] Anonymous tips can be left via the HCSO smartphone app or with Heartland Crime Stoppers at 1-800-226-TIPS or online. Crime Stoppers tips could be eligible for a cash reward.

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Boner Candidate #2: STEVE SCALISE AND MANIPULATED MEDIA.

Top Democrats sharply criticized a senior House Republican on Sunday after he shared a video that included a clip apparently doctored to insert words into an activist’s question to Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden that were never actually said. Former Vice President Joe Biden (D), the 2020 Democratic nominee, and Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) called on House Minority Whip Steve Scalise (R-La.) to take down a video that Twitter flagged earlier Sunday as containing “manipulated media.” The video contains a clip of an interview with Biden and activist Ady Barkan – who uses a computerized artificial voice due to his ALS – in which Barkan asks if Biden can “agree that we can redirect some of the funding” from law enforcement to mental health and social services, to which Biden agrees. Scalise’s altered clip uses a computerized voice similar to Barkan’s to falsely add the words “for police” to his question. “This video is doctored — and a flagrant attempt to spread misinformation at the expense of a man who uses assistive technology. It should be removed. Now,” Biden wrote.

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Boner Candidate #3: DON’T GET MIXED UP IN ELK MATING SEASON

(CNN)It is elk mating season and finding a partner could get dangerous. Yellowstone National Park warned visitors Friday that the season, called the elk rut, has begun and aggression could be turned toward humans passing by. The rut stretches from early September to mid-October, when bull elk “bugle” or call out to “announce their availability” to females and challenge competing males, the National Park Service said. Sometimes the bulls battle for females. Yellowstone shared a video on Twitter Friday of two bulls wrestling with interlocking antlers. People have been severely injured during bull elk battles, the NPS said. Visitors are warned to keep at least 25 feet away from elk, which can run quickly and change directions abruptly, and to find shelter as quickly as possible if one charges. Though dangerous to people, the loud fights are rarely injurious to elk. Keeping their antlers through the winter means that bull elks don’t have to duke it out with their front hooves, which could lead to injuries. Usually, the weaker elk of the two gives up and wanders off, the NPS said.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: WHY AREN’T THERE MORE REPUBLICAN WOMEN?

(Trent Nelson | The Salt Lake Tribune) Holly and Harper Yocom look up at the new “Utah Women 2020” Mural, featuring 268 Utah women from the past and present, on the Dinwoodey building in Salt Lake City on Wednesday, Aug. 26, 2020. Holly and Harper also appear on the mural. Seeing the “strong women” in the mural gives Holly “hope for the future” that one day her daughter will live in a world where a woman can be president of the United States, or she doesn’t have to worry about not having her voice heard among the men in a boardroom. “She can be anything she wants to be,” said Yocom, who is director of Salt Lake County’s Department of Community Service. More than 250 women from Utah’s past and present are featured in the “Utah Women 2020″ mural, at 37 W. 100 South on the east side of the Dinwoody building. Scott Anderson, president and CEO of Zions Bank, asked Jann Haworth, a Salt Lake City artist known for co-designing the iconic album cover for The Beatles “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” to create the piece to commemorate the major suffrage milestones this year. On Valentine’s Day, people in the Beehive State celebrated the 150th anniversary of a Utah woman becoming the first to vote under an equal suffrage law in the United States. Aug. 6 brought the 55th anniversary of the Voting Rights Act, which prohibited discriminatory practices, such as poll taxes and literacy tests, that kept people of color from voting. And Wednesday marked the centennial of the 19th Amendment becoming law, expanding voting rights to women across the country.

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Boner Candidate #2: THOSE UMBRELLAS ARE NOT FOR SALE.

A supermarket worker who died mid-shift was covered up with umbrellas as the store remained open. Unsuspecting shoppers carried on picking up their groceries unaware a man was laying dead on the floor close by. Manoel MoisĂ©s Cavalcante died at a the Carrefour store in the city of Recife, Brazil at around 8am on Friday, August 14. His body was left on the shop floor covered with umbrellas and surrounded by cardboard boxes while the store remained open for business. Photos of the scene caused outrage as images went viral on social media. Carrefour Brasil apologised on Wednesday adding that the incident was handled inappropriately. A statement read: “The company erred in not closing the store immediately after what happened to await the funeral service, as well as in not finding the correct way to look after the body.” According to Carrefour, the man was a sales manager who fell ill inside the store. First aid was given and an ambulance was called, but Mr Cavalcante died. Carrefour said it “followed guidelines to not remove the body from its place”. The subsidiary of France’s Carrefour SA, is one of the largest retail chains in Brazil. Bosses say they have now changed its guidelines to include the mandatory closure of the store in future. The statement added: “We apologise to the family and stand ready to support them in whatever way necessary.”

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Boner Candidate #3: WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY TURKEY TAILS OR PORK TAILS ANYWAY

Akron, OH —  An Akron, Ohio woman put a pot of beans on the stove to simmer, but instead of serving them to her family, she stood in her house, watching as officers from the Akron Police Department put on their gloves and separated what should’ve been her dinner into several large plastic bags. According to the Akron Beacon Journal, Lamia Singfield bought a package of smoked turkey tails that day at a nearby Save A Lot supermarket. (Her receipt said they were smoked turkey tails but the label listed them as smoked pork tails—although that’s not the problem). She was in the middle of a Facebook Live video and, after stopping to stir the beans, she realized that one piece of that seasoning meat didn’t look right. She put the meat on a plate, and realized that it looked less like a piece of pork or poultry, and more like a piece of, um, a man. “It’s got the folds,” she said, prodding it with a fork. “Upon further investigation, there’s a hole at the tip.” Singfield became convinced that the meat was actually a human penis. Her first phone call was to the Health Department, but when no one answered, she called the cops. Several officers came to her house and, according to Singfield, they weren’t immediately convinced that it wasn’t a penis.

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