ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: YOU HAVE MISPLACED MY TEDDIES!
A former officer who protected former Prince Andrew would ‘shout and scream’ if he had his stuffed teddy bears misplaced. The former prince was 38 at the time.
Boner Candidate #2: THE MAN’S GLASSES WERE IN YOUR DAMN CAR!
South Dakota’s Attorney General, Jason Ravnsborg, is defending himself against claims that he killed a man in a hit-and-run. Investigators noted that the victim’s glasses were found inside of Jason Ravnsborg’s car.
Boner Candidate #3: DUMPSTER FIRE.
If anyone recognizes this lovely gentleman who set fire to our dumpster last night we’d appreciate any info you have. Nice new white Nike shoes and puffy jacket. He very intentionally dropped lit cardboard into the dumpster and left. Fortunately nobody and nothing was injure… pic.twitter.com/ndDSoyEBaw
— The Bayou (@utahbayou) January 20, 2022
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: THOSE TESLA CARS, THEY CAN DO ANYTHING
A man was seen watching porn in his Tesla while it was driving on auto-pilot.
Boner Candidate #2: THE JOKER IS ON THE LOOSE.
A mistake made by The Missouri State Highway Patrol sent out an alert notifying everyone that the Joker was on the loose in his iconic car from the 1989 film Batman.
Boner Candidate #3: I AM TOO SHORT TO SEE A YARMULKE.
Rep. Lauren Boebert is trying to walk back her “jokes” where she accused Jewish tourists at the DC capitol if they were there on a reconnaissance mission.
