Boners

Boner of the Day for July 31st, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: THEY USED MOM FOR BLAST TESTING.

An Arizona man says a body donation center where FBI agents reported finding buckets of human organs and a Frankenstein-like body sold his mother’s body to the U.S. Army for “blast testing.” Jim Stauffer told KNXV he contacted the Biological Resource Center after his 73-year-old mother, who had Alzheimer’s, died five years ago. He said he now feels “foolish” because he only contacted the donation facility after his mother’s neurologist couldn’t accept the body at the time. Stauffer said he signed BRC paperwork outlining what he would and would not permit the center to do with his mother’s body, and, several days later, received a box with a majority of her ashes. He had no idea what actually happened until he says Reuters combed through internal BRC documents obtained by authorities and found out Stauffer’s mother, Doris, was sold to the military for “blast testing.” “She was then supposedly strapped in a chair on some sort of apparatus, and a detonation took place underneath her to basically kind of get an idea of what the human body goes through when a vehicle is hit by an IED,” Stauffer said.     Read More

Boner Candidate #2: STOP. STOP. STOP THIS.

Police are seeking a woman who they say urinated on potatoes at a Walmart in western Pennsylvania. West Mifflin police posted surveillance photos on their Twitter account. It is not known when the incident took place. A Walmart representative told WPXI-TV an employee saw what the woman was doing. In a statement, Walmart told the station it “it immediately disposed of the affected products and sanitized the area.” Walmart says it is working with police to find the person and have her prosecuted.      Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I NEED A DOWN AND DIRTY GUY.

Conservative GOP Christian Tennessee state Rep. Bill Sanderson resigned on Wednesday, citing a son-in-law in poor health and the demands of his business, the Tennessean reported.
But most believe it was for another reason reported elsewhere: that Grindr messages and nude photos uncovered by journalists have exposed the fact that he’s a closeted hypocrite with a gay son who has voted against every LGBTQ issue that has come before him. Writes political reporter Cari Wade Gervin: ‘His (now-deleted) campaign Facebook page describes Sanderson as a “Family Man, Small Business Man, Farmer, Public Servant” whose favorite activities include running, working in the yard and “spending time with my dear wife, Marjie (the person with the best heart of anyone I have ever, ever met).” (Sanderson has been married to Marjie since the fall of 2012. He has three grown children with his first wife, Valerie; they divorced in 2011.) In 2018, Sanderson, then the chair of the State Government Subcommittee, was widely criticized for helping kill a resolution denouncing Neo-Nazis and opposing a bill to outlaw chain gangs, saying such work was not dehumanizing to prisoners.  And Sanderson has voted in support of almost every anti-LGBT bill that has made it to the House floor. Despite having a gay son with a longterm partner. Despite sending sexually explicit messages and pictures to men almost 40 years his junior.’     Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: A GORILLA AND A NOOSE…..WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

Two Transportation Security Administration officers were placed on leave after a racist display was discovered in a baggage-screening area at Miami International Airport, the agency said on Tuesday. As seen in a photo obtained by CNN, the display included two toy gorillas and a noose. A spokeswoman for the agency declined to give a detailed description of the display, which was in a part of the airport not accessible to the public, citing concern that doing so would draw further attention to the offensive imagery. “The display was immediately removed and an investigation was launched into who was responsible for the unacceptable behavior,” the agency said in a statement. “T.S.A. does not tolerate racist or offensive behavior and those found responsible will be held accountable for their actions.”     Read More

Boner Candidate #2: RJ MUST BE SOME DOG.

An Amazon delivery driver was fired and arrested after police say she stole a dachshund from in front of a Texas couple’s home and attempted to sell it online. The suspect, 22-year-old Mycah Keyona Wade, was in a Weatherford neighborhood on July 5 making deliveries as a contract driver for Amazon when she spotted the dog, Parker County Sheriff’s Office Deputy Danie Huffman said. The dachshund, a 2-year-old named “RJ,” had darted out of his home as his owners opened the door to go to the grocery store and run across the front yard, Huffman said.
Wade snatched the dog from the street in front of the home, Huffman said. A landscaper who reported having a conversation with the suspect about the dog and private security footage from the neighborhood helped police identify Wade.     Read More

Boner Candidate #3: IT WAS A PRANK.

Students at an Ohio school were given probation after they played a dangerous, so-called prank on their teacher, according to WSYX . The art teacher at Starling K-8 school in Columbus made it clear – her classroom was a “banana free zone.” She posted signs outside of her classroom that informed students she was severely allergic to bananas. She asked any student who may have eaten one to wash their hands before entering the room. Last November, the teacher nearly died when three students smeared a banana on her door and then started throwing bananas at her, WSYX reported. The teacher went into anaphylactic shock in less than 15 minutes. “She starts to change colors,” a school security employee can be heard saying on police body camera video as officers arrived at the school. “They gave her one EpiPen. It wasn’t working. They gave her another EpiPen. Her throat was starting to close up.” Her colleagues called 911 and she was rushed to the hospital where she recovered.     Read More
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